Who, What, When, Where, Why, How...

If I could be anyplace in the world right now, I'd choose to be in a gigantic armchair, by a crackling fire, in a cold room, in an over-sized sweater, with a good book in my right hand, and my left nestled under my pillow-rested skull. I yearn for a feeling of ease, and yet my head is like a ship trudging on the waves of an uneasy heart. While in the womb, we live off and in the liquid of mothers'. Now out, I feel as though I'm drowing in air. I need solace and I need... I need to feel as though I don't need anything. I want to carefree. I want to live free.

I want to be like the air I drown in. I want to meander like the wind--into open doors and vacant sidewalks, into open books for vacant heads, into open arms for vacant hearts. I don't hate what I've been, and I doubt that I ever had. I bask in the knowledge that all I am and I know is a culmination of what I've been, what I've learned, and who I've met, loved, and hurt. I am the result of what the world has done, what I have done, what the world has not done, and what I have not done. But, in the words of great men, I know little. In fact, I know nothing.

What I can do is love blindly and feel wildly. Yes, we shouldn't base our state of emotions on the feedback of people around us. However, it is because we have people around us that we are able to form societies...able to form great states to form great nations. Discussing Rousseau doesn't always get the most engaged interests, but it does relate. The titles "states", "coutries" and "nations" are intangible to tongues and ears. We can't put our ears up against the belly of a state and hear the low grumble of its hunger. We can't run our fingertips on the skin of a country and feel the warmth of its mass and ruling body. We can't bite a nation and taste the flavors of its people as we do with sauteed beef and mushroom fried rice. These abstract entities supersede our most basic human senses, and if they be sensed, it is only possible abstractly. But...the social contract that forms "nations" and "countries" and "states" is formed on the principle that men are humans and must attain to the most human wants and desires, and in order to do so we must establish such entities for the protection of their attainment. The social contract is a big dream based on little facts; but such dreams are as real as the human instincts that bear them. What other big dreams do we bear that come from little facts?

All great men are or were human. All great men need and needed to eat, drink, and be merry. "Mazlow's Heiarchy of Wants" was written by a great man who was human nonetheless. It is this bond--the human bond--that causes me to fall in love with society and convinces me that I so want to fall in love. This bond, like the ionic and covalent that form the most basic atomic units of our beings, convinces me that all men should love and that there is an unfairness in the fact that not all men get to fall in love. I yearn to live big dreams to add to the general welfare of the big big society we live in...but, just as much, yearn to do so for the benefit of a small family, of a two-person romance, that I would haphazardly unravel on some unprecedented day. Great things come from small people, you could say? ;) I mean that abstractly.

The emergence of great things arise out of the big dreams of small ones in billion-people populations. The small summary is that...at the end of my life, I want to have people to whom I can say "I love you", people to take care of and to be taken care of. Also, I want to not care about how it happens, when, where, or why.