It's been quite a while since my last update. I've been been torn into different pieces by clock hands lately.
Ok. Heregoes...
Taylor and Caroline! I know you two love Taylor Swift. I found this other great artist.
Lee Ann Womack. I LOVE her music. She kind of reminded me of Taylor. To be honest, like friends should, I say I like her music more than I do Taylor Swift's.
PLEASE download these songs:
1. I Hope You Dance (this one empowers me)
2. Something Worth Leaving Behind (this one makes me think)
3. Twenty Years and Two Husbands Ago (this one breaks my heart)
Ugh! Senior Year!
I hope you all have been swell!!!
I'll try to update ASAP. No promises though. :(
Monday, December 3, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
I Love You For Sentimental Reasons
I'm listening to some rad Nat King Cole songs right now.
I think the greatest thing I've learned this week is that the best way to get something done is to start not by saying what you're going to do, but rather, begin by taking the first step until sooner than you know, you completed that task and THEN you say what you DID. In short, don't say what you're GOING to do--do it, and say that you've DONE IT already. lol. Trust me! It works! Try it out!
I had an awesome weekend. I saw Miss Caroline at NFL. I had the most productive meeting I could have had with the JSA officers and so the future is lookin' bright. I got to see Sonia and heard that Bo was in Boston (which made me kind of sad because I was hoping on seeing Bo at NFL but makes me happy that she's doing something fun! lol). I hitched a ride home with Sonia and got to have a great talk with my best friend in the whole world; of whom I've missed dearly! (I ALWAYS see Bo, and hardly ever see Sonia! So it was surprising that this time the tables turned and I got to see Sonia instead of Anita..lol. I still miss Bo, though.:( )
I've been staying at my sister's house lately. I sleep at home sometimes though; like tonight. My parents are still in the Philippines and won't be back until Nov. 24 so the house is completely barren. Today I walked across the street to Joeten and bought some bananas, an energy drink, and a frozen microwavable burrito.
Daily life without my family is pretty easy, you know, when it comes to the technical stuff (waking up, getting ready for school/etc, eating meals, chores...) but it's difficult in the sense that I miss them. My dad's kidney operation seemed to have gone well. It's the post-op that's hard. The recovery period. That's why he and my mom are still in the Philippines, so that he could recover. I came home this week Wednesday because my medical quandary has already been settled and I needed to get back to school. I missed two weeks of school staying home because of my allergies and then a third week to be in the Philippines to get my own medical attention, besides helping my dad and mom through his op. I feel really blessed with the turnout.
My brother gets home from Basic Training at the end of this month! lol. I'm so happy. I'm so happy for him! I think that the guy has finally found his niche. My brother has always been my number one compadre, you know? We were the closest of buddies since childhood and that was mostly because of our small age difference (a year) and because we fought all the time. He gets back soon though, and we are ecstatic. He got majorly buffed out though! I'm going to try to get him to help me get back in shape. With my allergies diminishing, I'm now able to stay outdoors longer and sweat. (yay!) I miss sports. I miss being outside. I miss the beach. I miss running. Ugh, so much. So much to be thankful for, too!
Hey... Great timing! Thanksgiving is coming up! lol... coincidental?
Anyway, it's 11:51 (son las doce menos nueve) and I've got to get back to work.
I miss you guys! Take care!
-Rach
I think the greatest thing I've learned this week is that the best way to get something done is to start not by saying what you're going to do, but rather, begin by taking the first step until sooner than you know, you completed that task and THEN you say what you DID. In short, don't say what you're GOING to do--do it, and say that you've DONE IT already. lol. Trust me! It works! Try it out!
I had an awesome weekend. I saw Miss Caroline at NFL. I had the most productive meeting I could have had with the JSA officers and so the future is lookin' bright. I got to see Sonia and heard that Bo was in Boston (which made me kind of sad because I was hoping on seeing Bo at NFL but makes me happy that she's doing something fun! lol). I hitched a ride home with Sonia and got to have a great talk with my best friend in the whole world; of whom I've missed dearly! (I ALWAYS see Bo, and hardly ever see Sonia! So it was surprising that this time the tables turned and I got to see Sonia instead of Anita..lol. I still miss Bo, though.:( )
I've been staying at my sister's house lately. I sleep at home sometimes though; like tonight. My parents are still in the Philippines and won't be back until Nov. 24 so the house is completely barren. Today I walked across the street to Joeten and bought some bananas, an energy drink, and a frozen microwavable burrito.
Daily life without my family is pretty easy, you know, when it comes to the technical stuff (waking up, getting ready for school/etc, eating meals, chores...) but it's difficult in the sense that I miss them. My dad's kidney operation seemed to have gone well. It's the post-op that's hard. The recovery period. That's why he and my mom are still in the Philippines, so that he could recover. I came home this week Wednesday because my medical quandary has already been settled and I needed to get back to school. I missed two weeks of school staying home because of my allergies and then a third week to be in the Philippines to get my own medical attention, besides helping my dad and mom through his op. I feel really blessed with the turnout.
My brother gets home from Basic Training at the end of this month! lol. I'm so happy. I'm so happy for him! I think that the guy has finally found his niche. My brother has always been my number one compadre, you know? We were the closest of buddies since childhood and that was mostly because of our small age difference (a year) and because we fought all the time. He gets back soon though, and we are ecstatic. He got majorly buffed out though! I'm going to try to get him to help me get back in shape. With my allergies diminishing, I'm now able to stay outdoors longer and sweat. (yay!) I miss sports. I miss being outside. I miss the beach. I miss running. Ugh, so much. So much to be thankful for, too!
Hey... Great timing! Thanksgiving is coming up! lol... coincidental?
Anyway, it's 11:51 (son las doce menos nueve) and I've got to get back to work.
I miss you guys! Take care!
-Rach
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Pizza Discounts and Spatulas
October 22, 2007
2:32 PM
Food Court, Guam Airport
Snuggled in cushiony chair in front of Domino's and to the right of Big Nama
At a table far, far in the back away from the rucus and coagulation of people
Monday, October 8, 2007
I don't practice Santeria, I don't got no crystal ball
It's a bittersweet symphony. That's life. Te vuelves aire. No change, I can change, I can change, I can change. But I'm a million different people from one day to the next, I can change..I can change my mood. I had a million dollars, but I spent it all.
This is the last birthday I'll spend on Saipan.
So much for turning 17...
____________________
"There's no better feeling than when I wake up to the morning sun, and watch the sunrise in your eyes." -Fiji
"Late at night I lie awake to watch her sleeping, she's lost in peaceful dreams so I turn down the lights and lay there in the dark, and the thought crosses my mind, if I don't awake in the morning, will she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart. If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? So I try in every way to show her every day, that she's my only one. If my time on earth were through, and she got to face this world without me, the love I gave her in the past, will it be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes? Because I lost love once in my life, who never knew how much I loved her, now I'm face with my regret that my true feelings for them never were revealed. So I made a promise to myself to let them know how much they mean to me, and I'd live with the circumstance. There's no second chance to show them how I feel. If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her?" -Fiji
This is the last birthday I'll spend on Saipan.
So much for turning 17...
____________________
"There's no better feeling than when I wake up to the morning sun, and watch the sunrise in your eyes." -Fiji
"Late at night I lie awake to watch her sleeping, she's lost in peaceful dreams so I turn down the lights and lay there in the dark, and the thought crosses my mind, if I don't awake in the morning, will she ever doubt the way I feel about her in my heart. If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her? So I try in every way to show her every day, that she's my only one. If my time on earth were through, and she got to face this world without me, the love I gave her in the past, will it be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes? Because I lost love once in my life, who never knew how much I loved her, now I'm face with my regret that my true feelings for them never were revealed. So I made a promise to myself to let them know how much they mean to me, and I'd live with the circumstance. There's no second chance to show them how I feel. If tomorrow never comes, will she know how much I loved her?" -Fiji
Saturday, September 15, 2007
From Susan Safford's "Quaint Epitaphs"
"Quaint Epitaphs"
COLLECTED BY
Susan Darling Safford.
Copyright, 1895,
My wife lies here.
All my tears cannot bring her back;
Therefore, I weep.
Sacred to the memory of Violate, by purchase the Slave of Amos Fortune, by marriage his wife, by fidelity his companion and solace, and by his death his widow.
Behold! I come as a thief.
A rum cough carried him off.
Here lies the body of old Uncle David,
Who died in the hope of being sa-ved.
Where he's gone or how he fares,
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
I was somebody—who? is no business of yours.
Pious.
Open thine eyes Lord
I come! I come!
Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor
Who lived and died without a doctor.
When I am dead and in my grave
And all my bones are rotten,
If this you see, remember me,
Nor let me be forgotton.
Under these stones lies three children dear;
Two are burried at Taunton and I lie here.
One truth is certain when this life is o'er,
Man dies to live and lives to die no more.
Submit, submitted to her heavenly King
Being a flower of the etheral Spring—
Near three years old she died—In Heaven to wait
The year was sixteen hundred forty eight.
John and Lydia, that blooming pair,
A whale killed him and her body lies here.
A blacksmith's epitaph composed by himself.
My sledge and hammer lie reclined,
My bellows too have lost their wind,
My fire's extinct, my forge decayed,
And in the dust my vice is laid.
My iron spent, my coal is gone,
My nails are drove—my work is done.
Indulgent world I bid adieu.
Farewell, dear friends, farewell to you.
No more kindness can I show,
To any creature here below.
I am invited to my tomb,
To sleep awhile till Jesus come.
Here lies the body of Obadiah Wilkinson
And Ruth, his wife.
Their warfare is accomplished.
I go to meet my brother.
He got a fish bone in his throat
And then he sang an angel's note.
This corpse
is
Phebe Thorps.
To the memory of
Susan Mum.
Silence is wisdom.
Reader, go thou and do likewise.
Some have children others none,
Here lies the mother of twenty one.
He heard the angels calling him,
From the celestial shore.
He flopped his wings and away he flew
To make one angel more.
A zealous locksmith died of late,
And did not enter Heaven's gate.
But stood without and would not knock
Because he meant to pick the lock.
Here lies Jane Smith,
Wife of Thomas Smith, Marble Cutter.
This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work.
Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars.
Our papa dear has gone to Heaven
To make arrangements for eleven.
Here lies Ann Mann.
She lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Beneath this monumental stone
Lies half a ton of flesh and bone.
Shakspeare.
Good friends for Jesus' sake forbear
To stir the dust enclosed here.
Blest be the man who spares these stones
And cursed be he who moves my bones.
She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.
Here lies the body of John Mound
Lost at sea and never found.
COLLECTED BY
Susan Darling Safford.
Copyright, 1895,
My wife lies here.
All my tears cannot bring her back;
Therefore, I weep.
Sacred to the memory of Violate, by purchase the Slave of Amos Fortune, by marriage his wife, by fidelity his companion and solace, and by his death his widow.
Behold! I come as a thief.
A rum cough carried him off.
Here lies the body of old Uncle David,
Who died in the hope of being sa-ved.
Where he's gone or how he fares,
Nobody knows and nobody cares.
I was somebody—who? is no business of yours.
Pious.
Open thine eyes Lord
I come! I come!
Here lies the body of Samuel Proctor
Who lived and died without a doctor.
When I am dead and in my grave
And all my bones are rotten,
If this you see, remember me,
Nor let me be forgotton.
Under these stones lies three children dear;
Two are burried at Taunton and I lie here.
One truth is certain when this life is o'er,
Man dies to live and lives to die no more.
Submit, submitted to her heavenly King
Being a flower of the etheral Spring—
Near three years old she died—In Heaven to wait
The year was sixteen hundred forty eight.
John and Lydia, that blooming pair,
A whale killed him and her body lies here.
A blacksmith's epitaph composed by himself.
My sledge and hammer lie reclined,
My bellows too have lost their wind,
My fire's extinct, my forge decayed,
And in the dust my vice is laid.
My iron spent, my coal is gone,
My nails are drove—my work is done.
Indulgent world I bid adieu.
Farewell, dear friends, farewell to you.
No more kindness can I show,
To any creature here below.
I am invited to my tomb,
To sleep awhile till Jesus come.
Here lies the body of Obadiah Wilkinson
And Ruth, his wife.
Their warfare is accomplished.
I go to meet my brother.
He got a fish bone in his throat
And then he sang an angel's note.
This corpse
is
Phebe Thorps.
To the memory of
Susan Mum.
Silence is wisdom.
Reader, go thou and do likewise.
Some have children others none,
Here lies the mother of twenty one.
He heard the angels calling him,
From the celestial shore.
He flopped his wings and away he flew
To make one angel more.
A zealous locksmith died of late,
And did not enter Heaven's gate.
But stood without and would not knock
Because he meant to pick the lock.
Here lies Jane Smith,
Wife of Thomas Smith, Marble Cutter.
This monument was erected by her husband as a tribute to her memory and a specimen of his work.
Monuments of this same style are two hundred and fifty dollars.
Our papa dear has gone to Heaven
To make arrangements for eleven.
Here lies Ann Mann.
She lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Beneath this monumental stone
Lies half a ton of flesh and bone.
Shakspeare.
Good friends for Jesus' sake forbear
To stir the dust enclosed here.
Blest be the man who spares these stones
And cursed be he who moves my bones.
She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.
Here lies the body of John Mound
Lost at sea and never found.
"To all the boys I've loved before" - Mayda de Valle
I love Project Gutenberg. I've been able to find priceless online books that would most likely be pricey offline. Here are quotes from a book I found that was dated back to the 18th-19th century.
1. The greater a man's faith in himself, the greater his mistress hers in
him. And perhaps, the greater his mistress her faith in a man, the
greater his in himself. For A woman's faith in a man works wonders.
2. A man to whom a woman cannot look up, she cannot love.
3. Heaven help the man who is dragged into a quarrel between two wrathful
ladies!
4.What a paltry thing, after all, is man, man uncomplemented by woman! Left
to himself, he stagnates; linked with a woman, he rises---or sinks. A
gentle touch stimulates him, a confiding heart makes of him a new
creature. Under the rays of feminine sympathy, he expands who else would
remain inert. Fame may allure him, friends encourage him, fortune cause
him a momentary smile, but only woman makes him; and fame, friends,
fortune, all are naught if there be not at his side a sharer of his weal.
A man will strive for fortune, strip himself for friends, scour the earth
for fame; but were there no woman in the world to be won, not one of
these things would he do.
5. The man who declares he understands women, declares his folly. For, If woman were not such a mystery, she would not be such an attraction.
6. A woman asks a woman questions in order to discover something. She asks
a man questions in order to discover the man.
7. It is not within the capability of man to evoke or to develop the
totality of woman. There are feminine potentialities he is powerless to
awake. There is a portion of womanliness always hidden from him. To her
babe alone she opens the innermost recesses of her soul
8. They say a woman cannot argue. Hear her explain an indiscretion!
9. An independent woman is a contradiction in terms. For
Woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted.
10. Naturally, Women are made to soothe, to pity, to comfort, to delight. Therefore it
is that To see a strong man in a weak woman's arms is a sight which should arouse
--not our laughter, but our(1) envy.
11. A penitent woman is rare: Even when a man, with his so-called superior reason, thinks he has proved
her wrong, at the bottom of her heart she knows herself right.
12. All women are rivals. And this they never forget. Consequently Mistrust a truce between hostile ladies.
13. Is the star any the less starry to the rapt star-gazer when he finds it
to be a tremulous planet?
14. Speak to a woman disparagingly of her sex,--she is up in arms. Speak to her disparagingly of a member of her sex,--well, she will not be up in arms.
15. A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.
16. Under the gaze of a group of men whom she knows that her brilliancy
dazzles, a woman, like the snow-clad hearth, sparkles:
Under the gaze of a man by whom she knows she is passionately desired,
like the same earth under the lordly sun, she melts.
17. The women who perturb men most are those who combine too effectively
adorableness with desirableness.
18. As a rule, women are far better readers of character than are men. A
woman will often startle a man by her penetrating insight into character.
19. The defenselessness of woman is a conventional fiction: she can avert an
attack by a look; she can terminate a siege by a taunt.
20.Women--whether young or old, married or single, strong-minded or weak--
are never happier than when they can depend on a man.
21. It often gives a lady a pleasure to give her lover a pang.
22. With woman 'Yea' and 'Nay' are meaningless and interchangeable terms.
And a video that coincides with its theme:
1. The greater a man's faith in himself, the greater his mistress hers in
him. And perhaps, the greater his mistress her faith in a man, the
greater his in himself. For A woman's faith in a man works wonders.
2. A man to whom a woman cannot look up, she cannot love.
3. Heaven help the man who is dragged into a quarrel between two wrathful
ladies!
4.What a paltry thing, after all, is man, man uncomplemented by woman! Left
to himself, he stagnates; linked with a woman, he rises---or sinks. A
gentle touch stimulates him, a confiding heart makes of him a new
creature. Under the rays of feminine sympathy, he expands who else would
remain inert. Fame may allure him, friends encourage him, fortune cause
him a momentary smile, but only woman makes him; and fame, friends,
fortune, all are naught if there be not at his side a sharer of his weal.
A man will strive for fortune, strip himself for friends, scour the earth
for fame; but were there no woman in the world to be won, not one of
these things would he do.
5. The man who declares he understands women, declares his folly. For, If woman were not such a mystery, she would not be such an attraction.
6. A woman asks a woman questions in order to discover something. She asks
a man questions in order to discover the man.
7. It is not within the capability of man to evoke or to develop the
totality of woman. There are feminine potentialities he is powerless to
awake. There is a portion of womanliness always hidden from him. To her
babe alone she opens the innermost recesses of her soul
8. They say a woman cannot argue. Hear her explain an indiscretion!
9. An independent woman is a contradiction in terms. For
Woman's chief want is to feel that she is wanted.
10. Naturally, Women are made to soothe, to pity, to comfort, to delight. Therefore it
is that To see a strong man in a weak woman's arms is a sight which should arouse
--not our laughter, but our(1) envy.
11. A penitent woman is rare: Even when a man, with his so-called superior reason, thinks he has proved
her wrong, at the bottom of her heart she knows herself right.
12. All women are rivals. And this they never forget. Consequently Mistrust a truce between hostile ladies.
13. Is the star any the less starry to the rapt star-gazer when he finds it
to be a tremulous planet?
14. Speak to a woman disparagingly of her sex,--she is up in arms. Speak to her disparagingly of a member of her sex,--well, she will not be up in arms.
15. A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.
16. Under the gaze of a group of men whom she knows that her brilliancy
dazzles, a woman, like the snow-clad hearth, sparkles:
Under the gaze of a man by whom she knows she is passionately desired,
like the same earth under the lordly sun, she melts.
17. The women who perturb men most are those who combine too effectively
adorableness with desirableness.
18. As a rule, women are far better readers of character than are men. A
woman will often startle a man by her penetrating insight into character.
19. The defenselessness of woman is a conventional fiction: she can avert an
attack by a look; she can terminate a siege by a taunt.
20.Women--whether young or old, married or single, strong-minded or weak--
are never happier than when they can depend on a man.
21. It often gives a lady a pleasure to give her lover a pang.
22. With woman 'Yea' and 'Nay' are meaningless and interchangeable terms.
And a video that coincides with its theme:
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Save $$$ On Books
Thank you to the Gutenberg Project!
Voila! A site with links to free e-books! I wish I had this before I started AP Literature last school year...
http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/scores/top
Voila! A site with links to free e-books! I wish I had this before I started AP Literature last school year...
http://www.gutenberg.org/browse/scores/top
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Oldies Movies Heaven!
LOOK!
The following are upcoming activities at the American Memorial Park Theater:
September: Pirate’s Month
Sept. 19 - Captain Blood, starring Errol Flynn.
Also: 4pm-7pm is "Talk Like a Pirate" activities for children
October - Monster Month
Oct. 7 - Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi
Oct. 31 - Frankenstein, starring Boris Karloff
Sunday canteen program (first Sunday of the month):
Nov. 4 - Sergeant York, starring Gary Cooper
Dec. 2 - Holiday Inn, starring Bing Crosby, Fred Astaire, and many others.
All movies start at 2pm and are FREE.
---
I can't wait to go! Old movies in the WWII Museum theater! I can't wait!
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Alive Again
Falling into a spiraling black hole called home, sucked into the negativity, the hate, the pettiness of small-minded thinking, trapped in the chains of survival, in the clutches of Mother Nature's wrath, frightened by the black suspense of a growing maze, branching, branching, branching, branching out into more darkness. The problem ever expanding, the resolve small, the question is survival. What happens when you don't survive? You die. Caught in the negativity. Who was Rene Descartes? You think therefore you are? Praying for truth in words; remembering that God built life with words. Begging for your God, my God, our God to save us from the wretchedness of death--that not being its inevitable arrival, rather being the difficulty viewing one's path to death in a brighter light. Are you afraid to die? We all die. We will all die. Wishes for mortality are fool's follies drenched in black, drenched in blindness. Please open my eyes Lord, and save me from this shadow that encompasses my whole self, this shadow that says that there is no where to run, no where to hide. Or rather...let me accept the dark. Let me run through the corridors of time with light in my heart and not in my hands. Where is the world I cried for? The world of whose problems I pleaded to take away? Below me. Before me. All around me. In me, my heart, my breath. I want to breathe again. I want to see reason in living this petty life again. Social institutions, congregations of people gathered to gather but not to act, the emptiness within familiar many's battling the feeling of nothing, the fear of nothing contrasting the fact that we know nothing, the absence of truth masking the true facade that in life there is no true certainty but there is faith in what we believe may be true. I need to live again. I need to breathe again. I need to feel like I'm adding positivity, adding good, adding worth to the lives of those around me that give me reasons to live. Live again; I will live again, I will live again, I live again. I'M ALIVE AGAIN.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Bowchicawowow!
Ah, the Web, the blog, the blogosphere, the blogniverse, the weblog... I haven't been able to post a straight update in months. Writer's block, says you? Undenyable prospects present, says I. To banish the banshee of the block, I will redeem myself tonight with a train or a black hawk helicopter or a space shuttle or a transmittable portable SELF-INITIATING GRAVITATIONAL fOoOoOorRRrRcCceeEEE!!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!!... a train of thoughts. :)
Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. I like that sound. It reminds me of the occasional headache. Right now it reminds me of Chinese water torture. "Torture". That word reminds me of the word "torpor". The word "torpor" reminds me of the novel "Wuthering Heights". You know what other words I've been magnetized to lately? I like the words "futile" and "wily". Futile--unnecessary, useless--leads my tink-tink-tinkering brain to the Star Trek quote: "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!" Wily--cunning, mischievous--reminds me of Wily Coyote from that one Acme cartoon they always used to play on the Cartoon Network when I was a kidderoo. And "Coyote" reminds me of "peyote" (please note that I am not high, I only possess the wily capability of causing people to think so). This morning, while getting ready for school, I was listening to NPR. I don't usually listen to NPR; I don't usually listen to the radio. (Mom bought this tiny portable radio though, and she switched it on in my room this morning to wake me up.) So, I was listening to this program on NPR on the growing prevalance of Peyote use in Mexico and the increasing number of tourists that peruse to the country in search of the stuff. It was rather interesting. It caught my focus. I get bored easily. I crave mental stimulation. It's like my ethereal fuel. Ah! There are ants on the computer table! Be right back....
Ok, m'back. I'm eating Salsitas, too. Mmmmm....Salsita's.... Hhokay!
Check this out: http://www.this-page-intentionally-left-blank.org/
What to do...what to do... I have a question for you? How do you stay focused? How do you concentrate? How do people keep their head on one subject or one frame of reference for an extended period of time? I have problems concentrating. Especially as of late.. It's as though my head is a glass prism encapsulating a billion jumping jelly beans! I say that in a note more solemn that that exclamation point implies. Hafashatafashata....brbrble... Hey!
Check this out: http://www.mvariety.com/editorialpage/editorial05.htm
(I was angry! I was only asking a question! My intention was not to get this posted! Bah!)
Ooh! And you HAVE to check this out: http://www.mvariety.com/editorialpage/editorial06.htm
(Caroline, I love ya. =] )
Ok.... I need to get my head together; it's the same as getting your stuff together.
Night all! Well, sorta. For now.
Tink. Tink. Tink. Tink. I like that sound. It reminds me of the occasional headache. Right now it reminds me of Chinese water torture. "Torture". That word reminds me of the word "torpor". The word "torpor" reminds me of the novel "Wuthering Heights". You know what other words I've been magnetized to lately? I like the words "futile" and "wily". Futile--unnecessary, useless--leads my tink-tink-tinkering brain to the Star Trek quote: "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!" Wily--cunning, mischievous--reminds me of Wily Coyote from that one Acme cartoon they always used to play on the Cartoon Network when I was a kidderoo. And "Coyote" reminds me of "peyote" (please note that I am not high, I only possess the wily capability of causing people to think so). This morning, while getting ready for school, I was listening to NPR. I don't usually listen to NPR; I don't usually listen to the radio. (Mom bought this tiny portable radio though, and she switched it on in my room this morning to wake me up.) So, I was listening to this program on NPR on the growing prevalance of Peyote use in Mexico and the increasing number of tourists that peruse to the country in search of the stuff. It was rather interesting. It caught my focus. I get bored easily. I crave mental stimulation. It's like my ethereal fuel. Ah! There are ants on the computer table! Be right back....
Ok, m'back. I'm eating Salsitas, too. Mmmmm....Salsita's.... Hhokay!
Check this out: http://www.this-page-intentionally-left-blank.org/
What to do...what to do... I have a question for you? How do you stay focused? How do you concentrate? How do people keep their head on one subject or one frame of reference for an extended period of time? I have problems concentrating. Especially as of late.. It's as though my head is a glass prism encapsulating a billion jumping jelly beans! I say that in a note more solemn that that exclamation point implies. Hafashatafashata....brbrble... Hey!
Check this out: http://www.mvariety.com/editorialpage/editorial05.htm
(I was angry! I was only asking a question! My intention was not to get this posted! Bah!)
Ooh! And you HAVE to check this out: http://www.mvariety.com/editorialpage/editorial06.htm
(Caroline, I love ya. =] )
Ok.... I need to get my head together; it's the same as getting your stuff together.
Night all! Well, sorta. For now.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Spoonerisms, Moon in Prisms... Interesting. :)
| know your blows | blow your nose |
| go and shake a tower | go and take a shower |
| tease my ears | ease my tears |
| nicking your pose | picking your nose |
| you have very mad banners | you have very bad manners |
| lack of pies | pack of lies |
| it's roaring with pain | it's pouring with rain |
| sealing the hick | healing the sick |
| go help me sod | so help me God |
| pit nicking | nit picking |
| bowel feast | foul beast |
| I'm a damp stealer | I'm a stamp dealer |
| hypodemic nurdle | hypodermic needle |
| wave the sails | save the whales |
| chipping the flannel on TV | flipping the channel on TV |
| mad bunny | bad money |
| I'm shout of the hour | I'm out of the shower |
| lead of spite | speed of light |
| this is the pun fart | this is the fun part |
| I hit my bunny phone | I hit my funny bone |
| flutter by | butterfly |
| bedding wells | wedding bells |
| I must mend the sail | I must send the mail |
| cop porn | popcorn |
| it crawls through the fax | it falls through the cracks |
| my zips are lipped | my lips are zipped |
| bat flattery | flat battery |
| would you like a nasal hut? | would you like a hazel nut? |
| puke on | coupon |
| belly jeans | jelly beans |
| eye ball | bye all |
| fight in your race | right in your face |
| ready as a stock | steady as a rock |
| no tails | toe nails |
| hiss and lear | listen here |
| soul of ballad | bowl of salad |
http://www.fun-with-words.com/spoon_example.html
Thespian Festival: College Audition Callbacks
My summer started with a week of Forensic League Nationals to a week of the Int'l Thespian Festival to a month of JSA.
I did the College Auditions at the Thespian Festival. I got callbacks from the following universities/colleges:
1. University of Minnesota-Guthrie
2. New York University
3. PennState University
4. Marquette University
5. St. Louis University
6. Wake Forest University
7. Loyola University
8. University of Nebraska-Lincoln
9. Nebraska-Wesleyan University
10. University of Missouri-Columbia
11. University of Wyoming
12. Otterbein College
13. Lindenwood College
14. Kirkwood College
15. Gustavus Adolphus College
16. College of Santa Fe
17. American Musical and Dramatic Academy
18. Savannah College of Arts and Design
My island-kid self needs help: which ones here are you most familiar with? Which would you give the best reps?
I did the College Auditions at the Thespian Festival. I got callbacks from the following universities/colleges:
1. University of Minnesota-Guthrie
2. New York University
3. PennState University
4. Marquette University
5. St. Louis University
6. Wake Forest University
7. Loyola University
8. University of Nebraska-Lincoln
9. Nebraska-Wesleyan University
10. University of Missouri-Columbia
11. University of Wyoming
12. Otterbein College
13. Lindenwood College
14. Kirkwood College
15. Gustavus Adolphus College
16. College of Santa Fe
17. American Musical and Dramatic Academy
18. Savannah College of Arts and Design
My island-kid self needs help: which ones here are you most familiar with? Which would you give the best reps?
The Axial Age! (700-500 B.C.E.)
So, took me the whole day to read the Article assignment for Doc's AP World History class. It entailed a day replete with sniffle intermissions, 30 minute naps, lots and lots of orange juice, and a wily imagination. :) Talk about fun! lol. But, really, it was fun.
I miss those summer days where you could just lounge around the house reading up on that subject that always seemed to irk your interest. I don't get many of those these days, but with an open mind, a healthy bit of tolerance, and the power of multi-tasking, I say "Nae".
The Axial Age! 700 to 500 B.C.E.! A three hundred year period before the common era! Mwahahaha! Here's my response outline, it'll help me recap on what I read:
Act Four: The Axial Age (700-500 B.C.E)
D. & J. Johnson, "Human Drama" Volume I
I. Introduction
A. Why was there so much speculation?
B. What kinds of questions were people asking?
C. The Search for Answers
II. The Axial Age in West Asia
A. Setting the Stage
B. What made the Assyrians such effective fighters?
C. The Hebrew Prophets: Monotheism, Ethics, and Law
1. Amos
2. Job: YHWH was one and only god.
D. Zoroaster: Dualism and War
1. What kinds of choices did people have?
- Zarathustra: member of Iranian warrior clan. Greek name--"Zoroaster".
Ideas--Good (Ahura Mazda) v. Evil (Ahriman), converted King Bactria, led spread of Zoroastrianism. Zoroastrians called "Parsi" in India.
Calendar starts from 1 A.R. (630 B.C.E.) start of his revelations.
2. What does ethical dualism mean?
- for every pair of opposites, one is good, other is evil.
III. The Axial Age in India
A. Setting the Stage
- 1700 BCE Indo-European Aryans migrate into Indus River valley
- 17 small kingdoms in northern India by 6th century BCE
- Magadha and Kosala 2 most powerful citystates
- Magadha had iron, controlled eastern Gangetic plain
- Brahmins / Brahminism: 1000 BCE most prestigious group in India, prevalent Indian religion, animal sacrifices for salvation, Brahmin is the highest caste of varna
- Dharma: one's role/job in society
- Rajas: citystate rulers, several million people each
- Varna: hierarchy of castes in India
B. Ascetics Challenge Brahmin Domination
- Ascetism: interfering religion to Brahminism by 700 B.C.E., the letting go of humanistic desires for spiritual introspection
- Upanishads: documents recording Ascetic beliefs, means "to sit down near"
- Brahman: not "brahmin", one central ascetic idea in upanishads, the one reality of the world, identical to atman
- Atman: an individual's deepest self
- Moksha: an individual's oneness with the Brahman, achieved through study or meditation
**Remember the story of Svetaketu and the banyan fruit? "That is reality. Thou art that."
- Samsara: the idea of rebirth a.k.a. reincarnation, first written recordings in Upanishads, "all that lives dies and is reborn".
- karma: measure of how perform's one's dharma
C. Mahavira: Ahimsa, Tolerance, and the Doctrine of Maybe
- Vardhamana Mahavira (540-467 B.C.E.), born a prince in Magadha, at 30 became ascetic
- Jiva: "something like a soul", encapsuled in solid matter, one's karma either frees or further encapsules jiva
- Ahimsa: one of Mahavira's most important teachings, what a person thinks influences how he acts, violence in thought leads to violence in actions
1. How can Vira practice Ahimsa?
- Vira: a heroic warrior
- Maha: great
- Mahavira: new kind of warrior, warrior for the inner desires of man
- Doctrine of Maybe: principle of tolerance for other beliefs *Remember the story of the 5 blind men and the elephant?
---------------------------------------------------------
Eh, I'm going to give it rest for the night. Good night! =D
I miss those summer days where you could just lounge around the house reading up on that subject that always seemed to irk your interest. I don't get many of those these days, but with an open mind, a healthy bit of tolerance, and the power of multi-tasking, I say "Nae".
The Axial Age! 700 to 500 B.C.E.! A three hundred year period before the common era! Mwahahaha! Here's my response outline, it'll help me recap on what I read:
Act Four: The Axial Age (700-500 B.C.E)
D. & J. Johnson, "Human Drama" Volume I
I. Introduction
A. Why was there so much speculation?
B. What kinds of questions were people asking?
C. The Search for Answers
II. The Axial Age in West Asia
A. Setting the Stage
B. What made the Assyrians such effective fighters?
C. The Hebrew Prophets: Monotheism, Ethics, and Law
1. Amos
2. Job: YHWH was one and only god.
D. Zoroaster: Dualism and War
1. What kinds of choices did people have?
- Zarathustra: member of Iranian warrior clan. Greek name--"Zoroaster".
Ideas--Good (Ahura Mazda) v. Evil (Ahriman), converted King Bactria, led spread of Zoroastrianism. Zoroastrians called "Parsi" in India.
Calendar starts from 1 A.R. (630 B.C.E.) start of his revelations.
2. What does ethical dualism mean?
- for every pair of opposites, one is good, other is evil.
III. The Axial Age in India
A. Setting the Stage
- 1700 BCE Indo-European Aryans migrate into Indus River valley
- 17 small kingdoms in northern India by 6th century BCE
- Magadha and Kosala 2 most powerful citystates
- Magadha had iron, controlled eastern Gangetic plain
- Brahmins / Brahminism: 1000 BCE most prestigious group in India, prevalent Indian religion, animal sacrifices for salvation, Brahmin is the highest caste of varna
- Dharma: one's role/job in society
- Rajas: citystate rulers, several million people each
- Varna: hierarchy of castes in India
B. Ascetics Challenge Brahmin Domination
- Ascetism: interfering religion to Brahminism by 700 B.C.E., the letting go of humanistic desires for spiritual introspection
- Upanishads: documents recording Ascetic beliefs, means "to sit down near"
- Brahman: not "brahmin", one central ascetic idea in upanishads, the one reality of the world, identical to atman
- Atman: an individual's deepest self
- Moksha: an individual's oneness with the Brahman, achieved through study or meditation
**Remember the story of Svetaketu and the banyan fruit? "That is reality. Thou art that."
- Samsara: the idea of rebirth a.k.a. reincarnation, first written recordings in Upanishads, "all that lives dies and is reborn".
- karma: measure of how perform's one's dharma
C. Mahavira: Ahimsa, Tolerance, and the Doctrine of Maybe
- Vardhamana Mahavira (540-467 B.C.E.), born a prince in Magadha, at 30 became ascetic
- Jiva: "something like a soul", encapsuled in solid matter, one's karma either frees or further encapsules jiva
- Ahimsa: one of Mahavira's most important teachings, what a person thinks influences how he acts, violence in thought leads to violence in actions
1. How can Vira practice Ahimsa?
- Vira: a heroic warrior
- Maha: great
- Mahavira: new kind of warrior, warrior for the inner desires of man
- Doctrine of Maybe: principle of tolerance for other beliefs *Remember the story of the 5 blind men and the elephant?
---------------------------------------------------------
Eh, I'm going to give it rest for the night. Good night! =D
Sunday, September 2, 2007
The Latte Leche Commercial
My latest commercial. Filmed the day before it was due. Editted the night before it was due. Burned the morning it was due. :)
This was a commercial for Chamorro Class, my foreign language requirement class. We had to put together a presentation of a commercial for a product to be sold to a Chamorro-speaking community.
Latte Leche (Latte Milk)
Para un mas metgot it talang-mu kini i Latte' (For bones as strong as latte stones)
Saturday, September 1, 2007
Ohkay!
So here it is!
1. Academics
2. In-School Extracurriculars
3. Out-of-School Extracurriculars
4. Home
5. Others
_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
1. Academics
1st Period: Yearbook
NO HOMEWORK, but I took pictures of my Chamorro class for the
Academics pages of the Ybook.
2nd Period: AP US Government & Politics
Read Federalist 51 & 2. Read pg. 28-38 of textbook. Read up on Current Events.
3rd Period: Chamorro Class
Plan filming of Austronesian Languages, Chamorro Language and Chants project
Print 2 lyrics for 60-lyrics project
4th Period: AP World History
Read Article 12 for Sept 4 quiz. Take notes.
Do notes pages for Articles 1-12.
Do Reader's Response pages for Articles 1-12.
Do current events assignments for 1st quarter.
Read 12 Documents for Apparts, do apparts, print, DUE TUESDAY.
2. In-School Extracurriculars
- Close-Up Club:
Contact presidents from other Saipan, Tinian, and Rota schools.
Contact presidents from other territories: Guam, US Virgin Islands, American Samoa.
Arrange calendar of activities for SY07-08.
Make flyer for 2nd meeting.
Put notice in bulleting for 2nd meeting (Friday, Sept 7, lunch).
Create Facebook/Myspace group.
T-Shirt design ideas.
- National Honor Society
Check up on Application status.
- The Voice (MHS Newspaper)
Find out: "Will there be an MHS Newspaper this year??"
- Student Council
Find out results for election! Then take down flyers. hehe.
- National Forensics League
When's the next competition?
- Thespian Society
When's the next competition?
- Davis's Club
Get more info. -_-
3. Out-Of-School Extracurriculars
- "Up the Down Staircase"!
Memorize lines! And work on getting blocking down.
- Thespian College Auditioners
email! email! email!
Presentation for this week Thursday.
- CNMI Youth Congress
Ask Ms. Cabrera when the petition forms will be passed out. -_-
4. Home
- Clean room. LOL.
- Write a letter to brother in Georgia. :(
5. Others
- SATS!
- Self-learning time. :)
1. Academics
2. In-School Extracurriculars
3. Out-of-School Extracurriculars
4. Home
5. Others
_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+
1. Academics
1st Period: Yearbook
NO HOMEWORK, but I took pictures of my Chamorro class for the
Academics pages of the Ybook.
2nd Period: AP US Government & Politics
Read Federalist 51 & 2. Read pg. 28-38 of textbook. Read up on Current Events.
3rd Period: Chamorro Class
Plan filming of Austronesian Languages, Chamorro Language and Chants project
Print 2 lyrics for 60-lyrics project
4th Period: AP World History
Read Article 12 for Sept 4 quiz. Take notes.
Do notes pages for Articles 1-12.
Do Reader's Response pages for Articles 1-12.
Do current events assignments for 1st quarter.
Read 12 Documents for Apparts, do apparts, print, DUE TUESDAY.
2. In-School Extracurriculars
- Close-Up Club:
Contact presidents from other Saipan, Tinian, and Rota schools.
Contact presidents from other territories: Guam, US Virgin Islands, American Samoa.
Arrange calendar of activities for SY07-08.
Make flyer for 2nd meeting.
Put notice in bulleting for 2nd meeting (Friday, Sept 7, lunch).
Create Facebook/Myspace group.
T-Shirt design ideas.
- National Honor Society
Check up on Application status.
- The Voice (MHS Newspaper)
Find out: "Will there be an MHS Newspaper this year??"
- Student Council
Find out results for election! Then take down flyers. hehe.
- National Forensics League
When's the next competition?
- Thespian Society
When's the next competition?
- Davis's Club
Get more info. -_-
3. Out-Of-School Extracurriculars
- "Up the Down Staircase"!
Memorize lines! And work on getting blocking down.
- Thespian College Auditioners
email! email! email!
Presentation for this week Thursday.
- CNMI Youth Congress
Ask Ms. Cabrera when the petition forms will be passed out. -_-
4. Home
- Clean room. LOL.
- Write a letter to brother in Georgia. :(
5. Others
- SATS!
- Self-learning time. :)
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Monday, July 16, 2007
YES! INTERNET ACCESS!!!
I finally got web-access from my room. My parents are the bomb-diggity. My entire family has been, really. They have been extra supportive. They got me a laptop from Gateway, she (my laptop) has made my life sooo much more easier.
I miss all of you guys!
I miss all of you guys!
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Do not text my cellphone from June 15 to August 1
Here is my itinerary for the NFL-ITS-JSA trip:
https://www.nwa.com/cgi-bin/view_res.pro?param=3765B73729CBD9313C67425AA51EB27DFA4D493AFF9774144282C662CF905107
I will miss you guys dearly. People are leaving and I won't be able to see them off. I haven't even been to the carnival. I want to go... Oh... I miss so many right now.
Mom got mad at me today. (When doesn't she?) I always get in trouble with her for something. I never get in trouble with my dad though. Anyway... Here's to summer!
https://www.nwa.com/cgi-bin
I will miss you guys dearly. People are leaving and I won't be able to see them off. I haven't even been to the carnival. I want to go... Oh... I miss so many right now.
Mom got mad at me today. (When doesn't she?) I always get in trouble with her for something. I never get in trouble with my dad though. Anyway... Here's to summer!
Monday, June 4, 2007
Post Something!
It's 2:34 AM. I was caffeinated last night. Yesterday was my dad's birthday. We had dinner at my sister's. I drank coffee there. I'm glad I did. We started the JSA prep program today and they gave us an assignment to read 28 pages out of the US Gov handout they gave us today. I was only able to read 3 or 4 pages at 10 PM last night. Tomorrow's the final-final deadline for all my AP Literature stuff (for both the 4th quarter and for my makeup work for 3rd). I've turned in every single thing but one for 3rd and I'm aiming for as high as I can possibly go for third. It's 2:37. Dang, 3 minutes to type what I've got down so far? Wow, maybe I'm lagging. lol. Anyway, I finish as much as I can before sunrise and then I start reading for JSA. Hoorah! Marianas High School, I love you so much. I won't be on your grounds tomorrow being that I have to be on the NMC campus before 9:30 but know that while I'm on the Kansas and Lincoln and Stanford campuses this summer, I will be thinking of you. I love you terribly. Lol. What a dork. :P
SIS FRIENDS AND NMA FRIENDS AND ONLY MHS FRIEND ON BLOGSPOT AND LUHULUHU POST SOMETHING!!! With the exception of Caroline and Taylor, they posted stuff. :)
P.S.
Oh.
Last Saturday I took the SATs. I think I did a fair job on my first SAT. The questions were pretty easy. I need to work on timing though. I saw Kevin Sablan and Agnes there and we were talking about...what was it, seniors we'd miss? Among them, we said that we'd miss Gretchen and I instantaneously remarked, "I'll miss Gretchen; she's the only one who calls me a slut and a whore." I was laughed at and now they think I like being called that. lol! I just think it's funny. Anyway; GOOD MORNING YALL!
SIS FRIENDS AND NMA FRIENDS AND ONLY MHS FRIEND ON BLOGSPOT AND LUHULUHU POST SOMETHING!!! With the exception of Caroline and Taylor, they posted stuff. :)
P.S.
Oh.
Last Saturday I took the SATs. I think I did a fair job on my first SAT. The questions were pretty easy. I need to work on timing though. I saw Kevin Sablan and Agnes there and we were talking about...what was it, seniors we'd miss? Among them, we said that we'd miss Gretchen and I instantaneously remarked, "I'll miss Gretchen; she's the only one who calls me a slut and a whore." I was laughed at and now they think I like being called that. lol! I just think it's funny. Anyway; GOOD MORNING YALL!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Cockle-doodle-doo!
It's 2:48 AM. I've just uploaded my Cuckoo's Nest commercial for AP Lit onto YouTube. I will commence the posting of it on BlogSpot:
I misspelled "edited" as "editted". Woops. It's 3 in the morning!
I misspelled "edited" as "editted". Woops. It's 3 in the morning!
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Got Hit By A Truck Lately?
After forcing myself to learn how to detach myself at the end of my 2nd year of high school, and having known the whole while the gives and takes of doing so; I am now confronted with the fallen pillars of that building of opportunities I have long ago demolished. They lay outstretched on what could remain a desolate path to what "we" call--"success". The problem with self-made&directed vows of not getting attached (and not to date) is that after a while, you run into the conundrum of its purpose.
Before entering high school, a friend and I made a pact that we wouldn't date at all. My friend broke her pact that same year. I've kept my pact; it is still in prime condition, although that's not to say that the opportunities weren't there. I think that the main reason why I was able to keep this pact with myself can be found in my desire to keep away from "the testdrive", "the assembly line"; because that's how I perceive dating: it's a testdrive of suitors in whom you either (a) have some physical and/or emotional attraction to, or (b) have no physical and/or emotional attraction to. The problem is that, in this generation, majority of my peers take the "practice" of dating to be some kind of "sport" or "activity". After a few weeks of "dating" and "getting to know" one's supposed significant other, he tells her or she tells him that he or she loves her or him; most often without giving any consideration as to what love is. There are some of us that overanalyze the definition of love, and go into some sort of research to "find an answer".
One of my faults is a habit of overanalyzation and a reversion to logic to explain many, many things including intangible concepts like love and hate, etc. I know this is my fault. It is my weakness. It's rather funny, actually. Ever since I was way, way, way young...kindergarten, perhaps...lol...my family (my mother in particular) instilled in my head that any form of connection--emotional, physical, whatever--with the male sex was completely out of the question. My older sister made this very clear in Junior High, when she told me that if she "ever find[s] out that [I] have a boyfriend, [they] were going to pull [me] out of that school and shave [my] head bald." They would designate a spy to keep an eye on me at most of the social events I attended. Many a times, those spies would be them themselves. Can you imagine how introverted this has made me? Probably, not. Most people don't think I'm that introverted. I am, I'm just good at presenting myself as being otherwise most times. Even so, what could I expect in a family whose values are comprised mostly of conventionalism, Catholicism, and...Asian-ness? So, the end result was a psychological wall barring me from ever being okay with openly loving and being loved. I've broken the rules. I was never caught breaking the rules when I did. I haven't broken any rule since I started high school. I had my high school years in junior high. ;) At Hopwood Junior High School, so you know.
There are two main things I want to discuss: (1) my could-be regret for having kept my pact, and (2) how I've misunderstood love..
1. My Could-Be Regret For Having Kept My Pact: How can I expect to grow? How is it that I could have ever believed that I could plan when to graduate from here, when to move here, when to graduate there, when and who to fall in love with there, and when to marry then, and when this and when that? There are things in peoples lives that just happen. There are things we simply cannot plan. Love doesn't give a fuck about time and doesn't give a fuck about your plans. We cannot organize our lives; just as one cannot organize time, energy, or the entropy of the universe. We could try to measure them, but we cannot plan and organize them. Keeping my pact, I look back on all the opportunities I could have had. It's sickening that I'm calling old and present admirers and willing quest-takers "opportunities". They are opportunities to learn though. It's ironic that the pact was established to preserve the sanctity of love; and yet in keeping the pact I've abolished what should have been my basis for being able to determine what love is, if ever I do encounter it (or if I have already, for that matter). In this sense, I feel as though I'm a robot...how do I know? How will I know? I've know experiences in my mental database that will help me distinguish love. I've blocked out almost all of that sector of my life. How I see it is that the sectors of one's life are analogous to the sections of the SAT. It would be nice if you got a perfect score on the math and critical reading section...but if you put and got nada on the writing section, then you fall behind. What sucks more is falling behind because you missed one section when you know you could've faired well in it...given you had practiced and learned more about it--something perfectly within your capabilities.
2. How I've Misunderstood Love: Not long ago, I thought I had found somebody who loved me. He'd known me since Junior High, and I had no idea who he was until just late. I did hear his name passed around a few times before I officially met him, but I still didn't know him. Heck! Who's to say I know him now! Who's to say he knows me? Who's to say he's ever known me... Anyway, he had liked me since Jr. High but had never been able to work up a nerve to say anything to me until this year. He seems like a silent genius. He surprises me with how he says things and things he does. He's the classic example of how our criteria for stereotypes is faulty for misconstruing people. He loves family, and respects women. He's a gentleman. He listens not only to his parents, but to mine. He waited for me for over 5 years. It was nice. Time I spent with him was nice. He really cared for me; I don't know if he still does. Anyway, his supposed love for me got me to think of whether or not I loved him back. I tackled this issue for a number of days while keeping communication limited. I had to think about whether or not I'd loved him. I didn't. I don't. If you have to think about whether or not you love--or better yet, whether or not you are in love--with someone, then you don't love them. You can't love them. I was weighing the pros on cons about loving him. That isn't love. There shouldn't be any reason as to why you are in love with someone. You just are. It's that simple: you just are. When I think of what it would have been like if I had broken my pact for him, I could picture me stoic and dispassionate. It's like marrying a man for his money. He becomes your benefactor who gives you financial stability and feeds you. But does he feed your passion? Does he feed your innate hunger? Does he stabilize your moods? Will you love him when he's broke? Will you have married him if he was broke? No, no, no, no... Money becomes your reason for pretending to love him, wherein my case, his love for me (and not my love for him) as well as his characteristics that fit the criteria of a nice lover becomes my reason for pretending to love him. I don't want to pretend. I want genuine passion. I want sincerity. I understand the case between compatibility versus love. You can be compatible with someone, but that does not specifically mean that you love that person. Also, you can be in love with someone...and wish they were more compatible with you...you could wish they agreed with you more on this, you could wish that they enjoyed sports more or read the news more, you could wish that they were more physically endowed to fit your tastes of physical endowment, you could wish that they talked more, or talked in a certain way, or talked more about a certain thing--but in the end, fact is, you love that person; despite all the clashes in both of your personality. I want that. I want the kind of love that doesn't give a damn about compatibility, but just finds two idle humans and smacks their metaphysical identities together so many times that you just can't picture living life without the other and the thought of a life without ever having met that person becomes purposeless. I want that. This is not to say that your lover can't also be compatible with you. I just..want the real thing. (I want to be able to recognize it, too. Refer back to last paragraph. lol.)
So that's my blog... It's hard to miss people you haven't met or identified yet. My widow's peak saddens me. You know how my head forms a heart-shape when you look at it? That's because of my widow's peak. The peaked bit of hair pointing to my nose in the middle of the hairline bordering my forehead..yeah...it reminds me of the quote that goes:
Before entering high school, a friend and I made a pact that we wouldn't date at all. My friend broke her pact that same year. I've kept my pact; it is still in prime condition, although that's not to say that the opportunities weren't there. I think that the main reason why I was able to keep this pact with myself can be found in my desire to keep away from "the testdrive", "the assembly line"; because that's how I perceive dating: it's a testdrive of suitors in whom you either (a) have some physical and/or emotional attraction to, or (b) have no physical and/or emotional attraction to. The problem is that, in this generation, majority of my peers take the "practice" of dating to be some kind of "sport" or "activity". After a few weeks of "dating" and "getting to know" one's supposed significant other, he tells her or she tells him that he or she loves her or him; most often without giving any consideration as to what love is. There are some of us that overanalyze the definition of love, and go into some sort of research to "find an answer".
One of my faults is a habit of overanalyzation and a reversion to logic to explain many, many things including intangible concepts like love and hate, etc. I know this is my fault. It is my weakness. It's rather funny, actually. Ever since I was way, way, way young...kindergarten, perhaps...lol...my family (my mother in particular) instilled in my head that any form of connection--emotional, physical, whatever--with the male sex was completely out of the question. My older sister made this very clear in Junior High, when she told me that if she "ever find[s] out that [I] have a boyfriend, [they] were going to pull [me] out of that school and shave [my] head bald." They would designate a spy to keep an eye on me at most of the social events I attended. Many a times, those spies would be them themselves. Can you imagine how introverted this has made me? Probably, not. Most people don't think I'm that introverted. I am, I'm just good at presenting myself as being otherwise most times. Even so, what could I expect in a family whose values are comprised mostly of conventionalism, Catholicism, and...Asian-ness? So, the end result was a psychological wall barring me from ever being okay with openly loving and being loved. I've broken the rules. I was never caught breaking the rules when I did. I haven't broken any rule since I started high school. I had my high school years in junior high. ;) At Hopwood Junior High School, so you know.
There are two main things I want to discuss: (1) my could-be regret for having kept my pact, and (2) how I've misunderstood love..
1. My Could-Be Regret For Having Kept My Pact: How can I expect to grow? How is it that I could have ever believed that I could plan when to graduate from here, when to move here, when to graduate there, when and who to fall in love with there, and when to marry then, and when this and when that? There are things in peoples lives that just happen. There are things we simply cannot plan. Love doesn't give a fuck about time and doesn't give a fuck about your plans. We cannot organize our lives; just as one cannot organize time, energy, or the entropy of the universe. We could try to measure them, but we cannot plan and organize them. Keeping my pact, I look back on all the opportunities I could have had. It's sickening that I'm calling old and present admirers and willing quest-takers "opportunities". They are opportunities to learn though. It's ironic that the pact was established to preserve the sanctity of love; and yet in keeping the pact I've abolished what should have been my basis for being able to determine what love is, if ever I do encounter it (or if I have already, for that matter). In this sense, I feel as though I'm a robot...how do I know? How will I know? I've know experiences in my mental database that will help me distinguish love. I've blocked out almost all of that sector of my life. How I see it is that the sectors of one's life are analogous to the sections of the SAT. It would be nice if you got a perfect score on the math and critical reading section...but if you put and got nada on the writing section, then you fall behind. What sucks more is falling behind because you missed one section when you know you could've faired well in it...given you had practiced and learned more about it--something perfectly within your capabilities.
2. How I've Misunderstood Love: Not long ago, I thought I had found somebody who loved me. He'd known me since Junior High, and I had no idea who he was until just late. I did hear his name passed around a few times before I officially met him, but I still didn't know him. Heck! Who's to say I know him now! Who's to say he knows me? Who's to say he's ever known me... Anyway, he had liked me since Jr. High but had never been able to work up a nerve to say anything to me until this year. He seems like a silent genius. He surprises me with how he says things and things he does. He's the classic example of how our criteria for stereotypes is faulty for misconstruing people. He loves family, and respects women. He's a gentleman. He listens not only to his parents, but to mine. He waited for me for over 5 years. It was nice. Time I spent with him was nice. He really cared for me; I don't know if he still does. Anyway, his supposed love for me got me to think of whether or not I loved him back. I tackled this issue for a number of days while keeping communication limited. I had to think about whether or not I'd loved him. I didn't. I don't. If you have to think about whether or not you love--or better yet, whether or not you are in love--with someone, then you don't love them. You can't love them. I was weighing the pros on cons about loving him. That isn't love. There shouldn't be any reason as to why you are in love with someone. You just are. It's that simple: you just are. When I think of what it would have been like if I had broken my pact for him, I could picture me stoic and dispassionate. It's like marrying a man for his money. He becomes your benefactor who gives you financial stability and feeds you. But does he feed your passion? Does he feed your innate hunger? Does he stabilize your moods? Will you love him when he's broke? Will you have married him if he was broke? No, no, no, no... Money becomes your reason for pretending to love him, wherein my case, his love for me (and not my love for him) as well as his characteristics that fit the criteria of a nice lover becomes my reason for pretending to love him. I don't want to pretend. I want genuine passion. I want sincerity. I understand the case between compatibility versus love. You can be compatible with someone, but that does not specifically mean that you love that person. Also, you can be in love with someone...and wish they were more compatible with you...you could wish they agreed with you more on this, you could wish that they enjoyed sports more or read the news more, you could wish that they were more physically endowed to fit your tastes of physical endowment, you could wish that they talked more, or talked in a certain way, or talked more about a certain thing--but in the end, fact is, you love that person; despite all the clashes in both of your personality. I want that. I want the kind of love that doesn't give a damn about compatibility, but just finds two idle humans and smacks their metaphysical identities together so many times that you just can't picture living life without the other and the thought of a life without ever having met that person becomes purposeless. I want that. This is not to say that your lover can't also be compatible with you. I just..want the real thing. (I want to be able to recognize it, too. Refer back to last paragraph. lol.)
So that's my blog... It's hard to miss people you haven't met or identified yet. My widow's peak saddens me. You know how my head forms a heart-shape when you look at it? That's because of my widow's peak. The peaked bit of hair pointing to my nose in the middle of the hairline bordering my forehead..yeah...it reminds me of the quote that goes:
"Everyone keeps telling me that the right guy will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck."
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Red, Red Wine
I've been really productive lately. ^.^
Anyway, dad and I just ordered a chicken leg quarter and tilapia from Mr. Suave. Dad convinced me into taking a sip of red wine. One word: BLEH. The stuff tastes like...hydrogen peroxide/rubbing alcohol.
Back to work! (=
Anyway, dad and I just ordered a chicken leg quarter and tilapia from Mr. Suave. Dad convinced me into taking a sip of red wine. One word: BLEH. The stuff tastes like...hydrogen peroxide/rubbing alcohol.
Back to work! (=
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Casino Royale and Subway
3 hours and 17 minutes ago it was Sunday. Yahoo. I ditched Mr. Sandman. I've been procrastinating lots on this blog lately. Should that be a good thing? Academically, yes. Well...no. Blogging is therapeutic. Each sector of a person's life interconnects with the whole. So consider this part of my life's curriculum. I have several things to blog about this morning. I'll use the 1 - whichever method again. Heregoes!:
1. Casino Royale and Subway
It's 9:07 PM. I spent my afternoon working on Lit assignments. After an unexpected rant session, thank you again -enlightener, and a headache, dad came home. I took a brake and followed him to the Marina so that he could pick up a tool he forgot in someone's boat. We stopped by Subway and picked up grub, and that leads us to this point. Right now, my mom and dad are in the living room with me as I press up my fingers against keys to type this. They're watching Casino Royale, and I'm juggling between the movie, this, and my homework. I know I'm going to regret not being able to give my full attention to the movie. I'll probably rent it again later. Here's a YouTube video called "Multi-Tasking":
- 9:15 PM: I am loving this movie. I'm wishing we had a bigger television or that I'd gotten the chance to watch it in the theater. I love how this movie is so ethnically diverse. One minute I see Africans and a Caucasian, now I see an Asian. Oy! And now I see London! I was joking with my parents about how I could foresee them watching movies at home when they get white-headed. I said that I'd have to buy them and entertainment system. My mom cutesily replied, "Yeah. Big one."
- 9:21 PM: Mmmm... Subway....
- 9:33 PM: What is it about Bond that makes him get all the girls?
-9:37 PM: Poor guy just lost his car! Haha! Ooh! Cool museum!
-9:59 PM: Hahaha that part between Mr. Bond and Miss Lynd is classic. I'm going to stop blogging during the movie.
-11:15 PM: It's finished. I am sad. I wish it was longer. :( Pshaw. It was great, but..what a sad conclusion. Vesper commits suicide. I guess it had to be? It was so good though. 5 stars. Any movie that can make me this sad this long deserves 5 stars!
Ok. Back to work. >,<
1. Casino Royale and Subway
It's 9:07 PM. I spent my afternoon working on Lit assignments. After an unexpected rant session, thank you again -enlightener, and a headache, dad came home. I took a brake and followed him to the Marina so that he could pick up a tool he forgot in someone's boat. We stopped by Subway and picked up grub, and that leads us to this point. Right now, my mom and dad are in the living room with me as I press up my fingers against keys to type this. They're watching Casino Royale, and I'm juggling between the movie, this, and my homework. I know I'm going to regret not being able to give my full attention to the movie. I'll probably rent it again later. Here's a YouTube video called "Multi-Tasking":
- 9:15 PM: I am loving this movie. I'm wishing we had a bigger television or that I'd gotten the chance to watch it in the theater. I love how this movie is so ethnically diverse. One minute I see Africans and a Caucasian, now I see an Asian. Oy! And now I see London! I was joking with my parents about how I could foresee them watching movies at home when they get white-headed. I said that I'd have to buy them and entertainment system. My mom cutesily replied, "Yeah. Big one."
- 9:21 PM: Mmmm... Subway....
- 9:33 PM: What is it about Bond that makes him get all the girls?
-9:37 PM: Poor guy just lost his car! Haha! Ooh! Cool museum!
-9:59 PM: Hahaha that part between Mr. Bond and Miss Lynd is classic. I'm going to stop blogging during the movie.
-11:15 PM: It's finished. I am sad. I wish it was longer. :( Pshaw. It was great, but..what a sad conclusion. Vesper commits suicide. I guess it had to be? It was so good though. 5 stars. Any movie that can make me this sad this long deserves 5 stars!
Ok. Back to work. >,<
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Part of the Union!
It's 5:25 AM. I've just finished editting mine and Roger's AP Literature commercial on Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. It's more like a documentary. A parody, too. I'm dazed. But, anyway..I'm going to try and upload it on YouTube to embed here. :P
URL: http://youtube.com/watch?v=d0v5Awlj8tU
IT'S POSTED! WATCH!
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Monday, May 14, 2007
Prom AFTER-PARTY
----------------------Oh, the wonderful joys of the dork-life. While some were out indulging in booze and unmentionables, I was at home in my PJ's taking all sorts of strange pictures. It was actually a lot of fun, especially the under-the-table pictures. That was fun. :P What an after-party!
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