It's 2:48 AM. I've just uploaded my Cuckoo's Nest commercial for AP Lit onto YouTube. I will commence the posting of it on BlogSpot:
I misspelled "edited" as "editted". Woops. It's 3 in the morning!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Got Hit By A Truck Lately?
After forcing myself to learn how to detach myself at the end of my 2nd year of high school, and having known the whole while the gives and takes of doing so; I am now confronted with the fallen pillars of that building of opportunities I have long ago demolished. They lay outstretched on what could remain a desolate path to what "we" call--"success". The problem with self-made&directed vows of not getting attached (and not to date) is that after a while, you run into the conundrum of its purpose.
Before entering high school, a friend and I made a pact that we wouldn't date at all. My friend broke her pact that same year. I've kept my pact; it is still in prime condition, although that's not to say that the opportunities weren't there. I think that the main reason why I was able to keep this pact with myself can be found in my desire to keep away from "the testdrive", "the assembly line"; because that's how I perceive dating: it's a testdrive of suitors in whom you either (a) have some physical and/or emotional attraction to, or (b) have no physical and/or emotional attraction to. The problem is that, in this generation, majority of my peers take the "practice" of dating to be some kind of "sport" or "activity". After a few weeks of "dating" and "getting to know" one's supposed significant other, he tells her or she tells him that he or she loves her or him; most often without giving any consideration as to what love is. There are some of us that overanalyze the definition of love, and go into some sort of research to "find an answer".
One of my faults is a habit of overanalyzation and a reversion to logic to explain many, many things including intangible concepts like love and hate, etc. I know this is my fault. It is my weakness. It's rather funny, actually. Ever since I was way, way, way young...kindergarten, perhaps...lol...my family (my mother in particular) instilled in my head that any form of connection--emotional, physical, whatever--with the male sex was completely out of the question. My older sister made this very clear in Junior High, when she told me that if she "ever find[s] out that [I] have a boyfriend, [they] were going to pull [me] out of that school and shave [my] head bald." They would designate a spy to keep an eye on me at most of the social events I attended. Many a times, those spies would be them themselves. Can you imagine how introverted this has made me? Probably, not. Most people don't think I'm that introverted. I am, I'm just good at presenting myself as being otherwise most times. Even so, what could I expect in a family whose values are comprised mostly of conventionalism, Catholicism, and...Asian-ness? So, the end result was a psychological wall barring me from ever being okay with openly loving and being loved. I've broken the rules. I was never caught breaking the rules when I did. I haven't broken any rule since I started high school. I had my high school years in junior high. ;) At Hopwood Junior High School, so you know.
There are two main things I want to discuss: (1) my could-be regret for having kept my pact, and (2) how I've misunderstood love..
1. My Could-Be Regret For Having Kept My Pact: How can I expect to grow? How is it that I could have ever believed that I could plan when to graduate from here, when to move here, when to graduate there, when and who to fall in love with there, and when to marry then, and when this and when that? There are things in peoples lives that just happen. There are things we simply cannot plan. Love doesn't give a fuck about time and doesn't give a fuck about your plans. We cannot organize our lives; just as one cannot organize time, energy, or the entropy of the universe. We could try to measure them, but we cannot plan and organize them. Keeping my pact, I look back on all the opportunities I could have had. It's sickening that I'm calling old and present admirers and willing quest-takers "opportunities". They are opportunities to learn though. It's ironic that the pact was established to preserve the sanctity of love; and yet in keeping the pact I've abolished what should have been my basis for being able to determine what love is, if ever I do encounter it (or if I have already, for that matter). In this sense, I feel as though I'm a robot...how do I know? How will I know? I've know experiences in my mental database that will help me distinguish love. I've blocked out almost all of that sector of my life. How I see it is that the sectors of one's life are analogous to the sections of the SAT. It would be nice if you got a perfect score on the math and critical reading section...but if you put and got nada on the writing section, then you fall behind. What sucks more is falling behind because you missed one section when you know you could've faired well in it...given you had practiced and learned more about it--something perfectly within your capabilities.
2. How I've Misunderstood Love: Not long ago, I thought I had found somebody who loved me. He'd known me since Junior High, and I had no idea who he was until just late. I did hear his name passed around a few times before I officially met him, but I still didn't know him. Heck! Who's to say I know him now! Who's to say he knows me? Who's to say he's ever known me... Anyway, he had liked me since Jr. High but had never been able to work up a nerve to say anything to me until this year. He seems like a silent genius. He surprises me with how he says things and things he does. He's the classic example of how our criteria for stereotypes is faulty for misconstruing people. He loves family, and respects women. He's a gentleman. He listens not only to his parents, but to mine. He waited for me for over 5 years. It was nice. Time I spent with him was nice. He really cared for me; I don't know if he still does. Anyway, his supposed love for me got me to think of whether or not I loved him back. I tackled this issue for a number of days while keeping communication limited. I had to think about whether or not I'd loved him. I didn't. I don't. If you have to think about whether or not you love--or better yet, whether or not you are in love--with someone, then you don't love them. You can't love them. I was weighing the pros on cons about loving him. That isn't love. There shouldn't be any reason as to why you are in love with someone. You just are. It's that simple: you just are. When I think of what it would have been like if I had broken my pact for him, I could picture me stoic and dispassionate. It's like marrying a man for his money. He becomes your benefactor who gives you financial stability and feeds you. But does he feed your passion? Does he feed your innate hunger? Does he stabilize your moods? Will you love him when he's broke? Will you have married him if he was broke? No, no, no, no... Money becomes your reason for pretending to love him, wherein my case, his love for me (and not my love for him) as well as his characteristics that fit the criteria of a nice lover becomes my reason for pretending to love him. I don't want to pretend. I want genuine passion. I want sincerity. I understand the case between compatibility versus love. You can be compatible with someone, but that does not specifically mean that you love that person. Also, you can be in love with someone...and wish they were more compatible with you...you could wish they agreed with you more on this, you could wish that they enjoyed sports more or read the news more, you could wish that they were more physically endowed to fit your tastes of physical endowment, you could wish that they talked more, or talked in a certain way, or talked more about a certain thing--but in the end, fact is, you love that person; despite all the clashes in both of your personality. I want that. I want the kind of love that doesn't give a damn about compatibility, but just finds two idle humans and smacks their metaphysical identities together so many times that you just can't picture living life without the other and the thought of a life without ever having met that person becomes purposeless. I want that. This is not to say that your lover can't also be compatible with you. I just..want the real thing. (I want to be able to recognize it, too. Refer back to last paragraph. lol.)
So that's my blog... It's hard to miss people you haven't met or identified yet. My widow's peak saddens me. You know how my head forms a heart-shape when you look at it? That's because of my widow's peak. The peaked bit of hair pointing to my nose in the middle of the hairline bordering my forehead..yeah...it reminds me of the quote that goes:
Before entering high school, a friend and I made a pact that we wouldn't date at all. My friend broke her pact that same year. I've kept my pact; it is still in prime condition, although that's not to say that the opportunities weren't there. I think that the main reason why I was able to keep this pact with myself can be found in my desire to keep away from "the testdrive", "the assembly line"; because that's how I perceive dating: it's a testdrive of suitors in whom you either (a) have some physical and/or emotional attraction to, or (b) have no physical and/or emotional attraction to. The problem is that, in this generation, majority of my peers take the "practice" of dating to be some kind of "sport" or "activity". After a few weeks of "dating" and "getting to know" one's supposed significant other, he tells her or she tells him that he or she loves her or him; most often without giving any consideration as to what love is. There are some of us that overanalyze the definition of love, and go into some sort of research to "find an answer".
One of my faults is a habit of overanalyzation and a reversion to logic to explain many, many things including intangible concepts like love and hate, etc. I know this is my fault. It is my weakness. It's rather funny, actually. Ever since I was way, way, way young...kindergarten, perhaps...lol...my family (my mother in particular) instilled in my head that any form of connection--emotional, physical, whatever--with the male sex was completely out of the question. My older sister made this very clear in Junior High, when she told me that if she "ever find[s] out that [I] have a boyfriend, [they] were going to pull [me] out of that school and shave [my] head bald." They would designate a spy to keep an eye on me at most of the social events I attended. Many a times, those spies would be them themselves. Can you imagine how introverted this has made me? Probably, not. Most people don't think I'm that introverted. I am, I'm just good at presenting myself as being otherwise most times. Even so, what could I expect in a family whose values are comprised mostly of conventionalism, Catholicism, and...Asian-ness? So, the end result was a psychological wall barring me from ever being okay with openly loving and being loved. I've broken the rules. I was never caught breaking the rules when I did. I haven't broken any rule since I started high school. I had my high school years in junior high. ;) At Hopwood Junior High School, so you know.
There are two main things I want to discuss: (1) my could-be regret for having kept my pact, and (2) how I've misunderstood love..
1. My Could-Be Regret For Having Kept My Pact: How can I expect to grow? How is it that I could have ever believed that I could plan when to graduate from here, when to move here, when to graduate there, when and who to fall in love with there, and when to marry then, and when this and when that? There are things in peoples lives that just happen. There are things we simply cannot plan. Love doesn't give a fuck about time and doesn't give a fuck about your plans. We cannot organize our lives; just as one cannot organize time, energy, or the entropy of the universe. We could try to measure them, but we cannot plan and organize them. Keeping my pact, I look back on all the opportunities I could have had. It's sickening that I'm calling old and present admirers and willing quest-takers "opportunities". They are opportunities to learn though. It's ironic that the pact was established to preserve the sanctity of love; and yet in keeping the pact I've abolished what should have been my basis for being able to determine what love is, if ever I do encounter it (or if I have already, for that matter). In this sense, I feel as though I'm a robot...how do I know? How will I know? I've know experiences in my mental database that will help me distinguish love. I've blocked out almost all of that sector of my life. How I see it is that the sectors of one's life are analogous to the sections of the SAT. It would be nice if you got a perfect score on the math and critical reading section...but if you put and got nada on the writing section, then you fall behind. What sucks more is falling behind because you missed one section when you know you could've faired well in it...given you had practiced and learned more about it--something perfectly within your capabilities.
2. How I've Misunderstood Love: Not long ago, I thought I had found somebody who loved me. He'd known me since Junior High, and I had no idea who he was until just late. I did hear his name passed around a few times before I officially met him, but I still didn't know him. Heck! Who's to say I know him now! Who's to say he knows me? Who's to say he's ever known me... Anyway, he had liked me since Jr. High but had never been able to work up a nerve to say anything to me until this year. He seems like a silent genius. He surprises me with how he says things and things he does. He's the classic example of how our criteria for stereotypes is faulty for misconstruing people. He loves family, and respects women. He's a gentleman. He listens not only to his parents, but to mine. He waited for me for over 5 years. It was nice. Time I spent with him was nice. He really cared for me; I don't know if he still does. Anyway, his supposed love for me got me to think of whether or not I loved him back. I tackled this issue for a number of days while keeping communication limited. I had to think about whether or not I'd loved him. I didn't. I don't. If you have to think about whether or not you love--or better yet, whether or not you are in love--with someone, then you don't love them. You can't love them. I was weighing the pros on cons about loving him. That isn't love. There shouldn't be any reason as to why you are in love with someone. You just are. It's that simple: you just are. When I think of what it would have been like if I had broken my pact for him, I could picture me stoic and dispassionate. It's like marrying a man for his money. He becomes your benefactor who gives you financial stability and feeds you. But does he feed your passion? Does he feed your innate hunger? Does he stabilize your moods? Will you love him when he's broke? Will you have married him if he was broke? No, no, no, no... Money becomes your reason for pretending to love him, wherein my case, his love for me (and not my love for him) as well as his characteristics that fit the criteria of a nice lover becomes my reason for pretending to love him. I don't want to pretend. I want genuine passion. I want sincerity. I understand the case between compatibility versus love. You can be compatible with someone, but that does not specifically mean that you love that person. Also, you can be in love with someone...and wish they were more compatible with you...you could wish they agreed with you more on this, you could wish that they enjoyed sports more or read the news more, you could wish that they were more physically endowed to fit your tastes of physical endowment, you could wish that they talked more, or talked in a certain way, or talked more about a certain thing--but in the end, fact is, you love that person; despite all the clashes in both of your personality. I want that. I want the kind of love that doesn't give a damn about compatibility, but just finds two idle humans and smacks their metaphysical identities together so many times that you just can't picture living life without the other and the thought of a life without ever having met that person becomes purposeless. I want that. This is not to say that your lover can't also be compatible with you. I just..want the real thing. (I want to be able to recognize it, too. Refer back to last paragraph. lol.)
So that's my blog... It's hard to miss people you haven't met or identified yet. My widow's peak saddens me. You know how my head forms a heart-shape when you look at it? That's because of my widow's peak. The peaked bit of hair pointing to my nose in the middle of the hairline bordering my forehead..yeah...it reminds me of the quote that goes:
"Everyone keeps telling me that the right guy will come along. I think mine got hit by a truck."
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Red, Red Wine
I've been really productive lately. ^.^
Anyway, dad and I just ordered a chicken leg quarter and tilapia from Mr. Suave. Dad convinced me into taking a sip of red wine. One word: BLEH. The stuff tastes like...hydrogen peroxide/rubbing alcohol.
Back to work! (=
Anyway, dad and I just ordered a chicken leg quarter and tilapia from Mr. Suave. Dad convinced me into taking a sip of red wine. One word: BLEH. The stuff tastes like...hydrogen peroxide/rubbing alcohol.
Back to work! (=
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Casino Royale and Subway
3 hours and 17 minutes ago it was Sunday. Yahoo. I ditched Mr. Sandman. I've been procrastinating lots on this blog lately. Should that be a good thing? Academically, yes. Well...no. Blogging is therapeutic. Each sector of a person's life interconnects with the whole. So consider this part of my life's curriculum. I have several things to blog about this morning. I'll use the 1 - whichever method again. Heregoes!:
1. Casino Royale and Subway
It's 9:07 PM. I spent my afternoon working on Lit assignments. After an unexpected rant session, thank you again -enlightener, and a headache, dad came home. I took a brake and followed him to the Marina so that he could pick up a tool he forgot in someone's boat. We stopped by Subway and picked up grub, and that leads us to this point. Right now, my mom and dad are in the living room with me as I press up my fingers against keys to type this. They're watching Casino Royale, and I'm juggling between the movie, this, and my homework. I know I'm going to regret not being able to give my full attention to the movie. I'll probably rent it again later. Here's a YouTube video called "Multi-Tasking":
- 9:15 PM: I am loving this movie. I'm wishing we had a bigger television or that I'd gotten the chance to watch it in the theater. I love how this movie is so ethnically diverse. One minute I see Africans and a Caucasian, now I see an Asian. Oy! And now I see London! I was joking with my parents about how I could foresee them watching movies at home when they get white-headed. I said that I'd have to buy them and entertainment system. My mom cutesily replied, "Yeah. Big one."
- 9:21 PM: Mmmm... Subway....
- 9:33 PM: What is it about Bond that makes him get all the girls?
-9:37 PM: Poor guy just lost his car! Haha! Ooh! Cool museum!
-9:59 PM: Hahaha that part between Mr. Bond and Miss Lynd is classic. I'm going to stop blogging during the movie.
-11:15 PM: It's finished. I am sad. I wish it was longer. :( Pshaw. It was great, but..what a sad conclusion. Vesper commits suicide. I guess it had to be? It was so good though. 5 stars. Any movie that can make me this sad this long deserves 5 stars!
Ok. Back to work. >,<
1. Casino Royale and Subway
It's 9:07 PM. I spent my afternoon working on Lit assignments. After an unexpected rant session, thank you again -enlightener, and a headache, dad came home. I took a brake and followed him to the Marina so that he could pick up a tool he forgot in someone's boat. We stopped by Subway and picked up grub, and that leads us to this point. Right now, my mom and dad are in the living room with me as I press up my fingers against keys to type this. They're watching Casino Royale, and I'm juggling between the movie, this, and my homework. I know I'm going to regret not being able to give my full attention to the movie. I'll probably rent it again later. Here's a YouTube video called "Multi-Tasking":
- 9:15 PM: I am loving this movie. I'm wishing we had a bigger television or that I'd gotten the chance to watch it in the theater. I love how this movie is so ethnically diverse. One minute I see Africans and a Caucasian, now I see an Asian. Oy! And now I see London! I was joking with my parents about how I could foresee them watching movies at home when they get white-headed. I said that I'd have to buy them and entertainment system. My mom cutesily replied, "Yeah. Big one."
- 9:21 PM: Mmmm... Subway....
- 9:33 PM: What is it about Bond that makes him get all the girls?
-9:37 PM: Poor guy just lost his car! Haha! Ooh! Cool museum!
-9:59 PM: Hahaha that part between Mr. Bond and Miss Lynd is classic. I'm going to stop blogging during the movie.
-11:15 PM: It's finished. I am sad. I wish it was longer. :( Pshaw. It was great, but..what a sad conclusion. Vesper commits suicide. I guess it had to be? It was so good though. 5 stars. Any movie that can make me this sad this long deserves 5 stars!
Ok. Back to work. >,<
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Part of the Union!
It's 5:25 AM. I've just finished editting mine and Roger's AP Literature commercial on Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. It's more like a documentary. A parody, too. I'm dazed. But, anyway..I'm going to try and upload it on YouTube to embed here. :P
URL: http://youtube.com/watch?v=d0v5Awlj8tU
IT'S POSTED! WATCH!
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Monday, May 14, 2007
Prom AFTER-PARTY
----------------------Oh, the wonderful joys of the dork-life. While some were out indulging in booze and unmentionables, I was at home in my PJ's taking all sorts of strange pictures. It was actually a lot of fun, especially the under-the-table pictures. That was fun. :P What an after-party!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
"The 'Perfect' Prom Dress"
is a theory; and not a truth.
After two consecutive nights of intensive dress-excavating, we have found it. Buried in a comfy crevice inbetween Chalan Piao and San Antonio, we have found it. ("It" includes all other stuff: heels, purse, and other initially female shtuff, although those we didn't get at Pena House. Dang those Pena House moforiendly people for providing the island with unique clothing that every one shops for. I have never shopped so much in my life. In truth, I HATE shopping. Let me rephrase that with a synonym or euphemism so I don't feel bad about saying HATE. I receive the toil of shopping with UTMOST ANIMOSITY. That feels better. :)
The dress. Is red. It's not. Like the one in my last blog. But. It's red.
I'll continue this blog later. Gotta go!
And on a sidenote! AP LIT EXAMS WERE TODAY!!! IT WAS FUN!!!!!!! :D:D:D
(That's me being overly optimistic. Is there such a thing?)
---
Alright, I'm back. I wanted to say this earlier:
Every expectation I've set lately has been terribly altered for the better. It all started with Mr. Phillips becoming our new AP Biology teacher....
SCENE ONE
Well, the guy has been on the island for near twenty years. He teaches AP Physic, Honors Astronomy, Marine Science, and Marine Biology at our school. Our first AP Bio teacher Mr. Mack had retired in the penultimate-to-the-beginning quarter and left to California leaving us desolate. Mr. Oney, the NMC Bio teacher took his place, then moved to Guam. We were alone in the counselor's office--teacherless--and then Phillips stepped in. So he took in our 6-person AP Bio class with his 3-person AP Physics class. Before that, my grades in the subject had slumped to an all-time low. I had been absent for 5 weeks in the 1st semester and conjured up a terrible knack of just not caring. Phillips has been focusing on gearing us up for the AP Biology Exam (this coming Monday) and me, with my self-perception of unavoidable failure in the test, asked Phillips if I could take the next year and not this year. I couldn't avoid this Exam, so I decided to use this years exam as practice--still emo-ishly* believing that I suck. Since then, I've been studying and studying and learning and learning...and catching up and taking practice tests...and really just enjoying the subject. My scores have gotten better and better. Now what's the catch? My self-perception of my AP Bio suckiness has changed. That is Altered Expectation 1.
SCENE 2
The next altercatable alteration is my change of work pace in my AP Lit class. At the beginning I struggled to keep up with the pace. Now? I'm ahead and rockin' it.... Chyeahh..... :D Where's one of those smiley shades-wearing emoticons when you need it?
SCENE 3
PROM. I planned to NOT go; which by the way carried the corollary of NOT buying a dress, NOR heels, NOR other initially female stuff. Then, I thought that if I were to go, I'd like to go with one of my friends. Then, I thought that if I were to go, I should go with one of my guy friends. Then, I decided not to go, again. All this while, I bestowed upon myself the yen for a traditional prom, where I had a date and all that customary stuff--the stuff that makes girls squeel (except I don't squeel). (I think.) After all that, I came to the conclusion that no one was going to ask me (the traditional way--I had been asked the "Hey, friend, I don't have a date and you don't either--why don't we go together??"-way. It didn't cut it, because it made prom feel like a dance and not a big deal like I'd like it to be. THEN WHAT??? Then, I hear someone wants to ask me. Then, I tell myself I'll say no. Then, he takes his time asking me giving the implication that he wasn't going to. Then, he does. Then, I say affirmative. Then, I get a dress, and heels, and a purse, and other initially female stuff. All this has been so unexpected!!! And you know what? I thought that going with Luis would be strange especially since I haven't talked..to..him..so..much. (Oh, how I can hear the laughter of friends who I've told the straight non-euphemistic truth to.) And then I figure that it'll be strange going with him because he and I aren't very close. And then I talk to him, and he is such a sweet guy. A gentleman, I surmise. He said, "I was talking to Amber about your parents. I was wondering if they would be okay about you going to the prom? I assure you that my intentions are good and that I only want you to have a nice night at the prom." How gentlemanly! I got the opportunity of talking to him at school today; I asked him whether or not he was sure he wanted to go with me (today being his last chance to back out and all). He replied with a "Who wouldn't be?" Awww... I was wrong about thinking that I won't be able to go with one of my guy friends. Luis is a friend--and a guy, to boot! (Given that my dateless chick-friends were asking if I wanted to accompany them!) Wow, I sound mean... But I love you guys. :) Very much.
END SCENE
I'm happy I get to spend time with my MHS homies for prom. I'm going to miss a lot of the seniors. So much. So very much. (Not explicit to MHS) ;)
Everyone had been bugging me to go. Gretchen a little more specific than others ("Rachel, you wh**e! You should go to prom! Go with Fredo! You s**t!") Hahaha, who does not love Gretchen?
I also realized that I have the best parents I could ever have. Mom has been so cool about everything: me going to prom, dress-shopping, my stubborness while dress-shopping. She didn't even, y'know, raise her right-hand pointer finger and tilt her chin into her neck saying foreboding dictations on caution on what I shouldn't do or else she'll shave me into head-hairless frau*. I feel so trusted--oh, how much I lovem.. My dad? Haha! He is sooo cool about it. Right when he heard that I was going to prom, he asked if I had a date. Today, I told him I did, and he went on to ask if he was smart. Why? He wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be caught in a boring conversation. :) How sweet?! Haha. He went on to say that he wants me to go to prom because he never got to enjoy the tradition when he was in high school. He said that as a Youth Congress Senator for Marianas High School, I need to show my face at such events and intermingle with my constituents. (Well, he didn't say it exactly like that.) He also said that he'd like it if I "..carried a 5000-volt taser.." (He said it exactly like that.) I love my dad. And mom! And family! They are pro...and I will miss them sooo incredibly much when I go off to college.
That's all for now. I think Luis and I are going to Java Joe's tomorrow night to talk. You know? To break the ice before prom. No boring conversations, as dad put it? Or I don't know... But, he's a sweet guy and a gentleman so I'm happy. (And I've got almost the whole enchilada of MHS friends going to prom to save me out of any sticky situation that will arise. That also equates to about 10 or so emergency rides home. Out of the 10, around 4 absolutely "I'm down for you, Rach" ones.)
-------------------------------------
*emo-ishly: (scene one) "ishly" with another added to it equates to "shilly" or "silly" with a mixed in "shitty" with correlates to "emo" which really is "emotional"; all this leading to the deduction that "emo-ishly" is an adjective of silly emotional shit (sorry for vulgar language, but true)
*frau: (end scene, paragraph 3) german word for "woman"
After two consecutive nights of intensive dress-excavating, we have found it. Buried in a comfy crevice inbetween Chalan Piao and San Antonio, we have found it. ("It" includes all other stuff: heels, purse, and other initially female shtuff, although those we didn't get at Pena House. Dang those Pena House moforiendly people for providing the island with unique clothing that every one shops for. I have never shopped so much in my life. In truth, I HATE shopping. Let me rephrase that with a synonym or euphemism so I don't feel bad about saying HATE. I receive the toil of shopping with UTMOST ANIMOSITY. That feels better. :)
The dress. Is red. It's not. Like the one in my last blog. But. It's red.
I'll continue this blog later. Gotta go!
And on a sidenote! AP LIT EXAMS WERE TODAY!!! IT WAS FUN!!!!!!! :D:D:D
(That's me being overly optimistic. Is there such a thing?)
---
Alright, I'm back. I wanted to say this earlier:
Every expectation I've set lately has been terribly altered for the better. It all started with Mr. Phillips becoming our new AP Biology teacher....
SCENE ONE
Well, the guy has been on the island for near twenty years. He teaches AP Physic, Honors Astronomy, Marine Science, and Marine Biology at our school. Our first AP Bio teacher Mr. Mack had retired in the penultimate-to-the-beginning quarter and left to California leaving us desolate. Mr. Oney, the NMC Bio teacher took his place, then moved to Guam. We were alone in the counselor's office--teacherless--and then Phillips stepped in. So he took in our 6-person AP Bio class with his 3-person AP Physics class. Before that, my grades in the subject had slumped to an all-time low. I had been absent for 5 weeks in the 1st semester and conjured up a terrible knack of just not caring. Phillips has been focusing on gearing us up for the AP Biology Exam (this coming Monday) and me, with my self-perception of unavoidable failure in the test, asked Phillips if I could take the next year and not this year. I couldn't avoid this Exam, so I decided to use this years exam as practice--still emo-ishly* believing that I suck. Since then, I've been studying and studying and learning and learning...and catching up and taking practice tests...and really just enjoying the subject. My scores have gotten better and better. Now what's the catch? My self-perception of my AP Bio suckiness has changed. That is Altered Expectation 1.
SCENE 2
The next altercatable alteration is my change of work pace in my AP Lit class. At the beginning I struggled to keep up with the pace. Now? I'm ahead and rockin' it.... Chyeahh..... :D Where's one of those smiley shades-wearing emoticons when you need it?
SCENE 3
PROM. I planned to NOT go; which by the way carried the corollary of NOT buying a dress, NOR heels, NOR other initially female stuff. Then, I thought that if I were to go, I'd like to go with one of my friends. Then, I thought that if I were to go, I should go with one of my guy friends. Then, I decided not to go, again. All this while, I bestowed upon myself the yen for a traditional prom, where I had a date and all that customary stuff--the stuff that makes girls squeel (except I don't squeel). (I think.) After all that, I came to the conclusion that no one was going to ask me (the traditional way--I had been asked the "Hey, friend, I don't have a date and you don't either--why don't we go together??"-way. It didn't cut it, because it made prom feel like a dance and not a big deal like I'd like it to be. THEN WHAT??? Then, I hear someone wants to ask me. Then, I tell myself I'll say no. Then, he takes his time asking me giving the implication that he wasn't going to. Then, he does. Then, I say affirmative. Then, I get a dress, and heels, and a purse, and other initially female stuff. All this has been so unexpected!!! And you know what? I thought that going with Luis would be strange especially since I haven't talked..to..him..so..much. (Oh, how I can hear the laughter of friends who I've told the straight non-euphemistic truth to.) And then I figure that it'll be strange going with him because he and I aren't very close. And then I talk to him, and he is such a sweet guy. A gentleman, I surmise. He said, "I was talking to Amber about your parents. I was wondering if they would be okay about you going to the prom? I assure you that my intentions are good and that I only want you to have a nice night at the prom." How gentlemanly! I got the opportunity of talking to him at school today; I asked him whether or not he was sure he wanted to go with me (today being his last chance to back out and all). He replied with a "Who wouldn't be?" Awww... I was wrong about thinking that I won't be able to go with one of my guy friends. Luis is a friend--and a guy, to boot! (Given that my dateless chick-friends were asking if I wanted to accompany them!) Wow, I sound mean... But I love you guys. :) Very much.
END SCENE
I'm happy I get to spend time with my MHS homies for prom. I'm going to miss a lot of the seniors. So much. So very much. (Not explicit to MHS) ;)
Everyone had been bugging me to go. Gretchen a little more specific than others ("Rachel, you wh**e! You should go to prom! Go with Fredo! You s**t!") Hahaha, who does not love Gretchen?
I also realized that I have the best parents I could ever have. Mom has been so cool about everything: me going to prom, dress-shopping, my stubborness while dress-shopping. She didn't even, y'know, raise her right-hand pointer finger and tilt her chin into her neck saying foreboding dictations on caution on what I shouldn't do or else she'll shave me into head-hairless frau*. I feel so trusted--oh, how much I lovem.. My dad? Haha! He is sooo cool about it. Right when he heard that I was going to prom, he asked if I had a date. Today, I told him I did, and he went on to ask if he was smart. Why? He wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be caught in a boring conversation. :) How sweet?! Haha. He went on to say that he wants me to go to prom because he never got to enjoy the tradition when he was in high school. He said that as a Youth Congress Senator for Marianas High School, I need to show my face at such events and intermingle with my constituents. (Well, he didn't say it exactly like that.) He also said that he'd like it if I "..carried a 5000-volt taser.." (He said it exactly like that.) I love my dad. And mom! And family! They are pro...and I will miss them sooo incredibly much when I go off to college.
That's all for now. I think Luis and I are going to Java Joe's tomorrow night to talk. You know? To break the ice before prom. No boring conversations, as dad put it? Or I don't know... But, he's a sweet guy and a gentleman so I'm happy. (And I've got almost the whole enchilada of MHS friends going to prom to save me out of any sticky situation that will arise. That also equates to about 10 or so emergency rides home. Out of the 10, around 4 absolutely "I'm down for you, Rach" ones.)
-------------------------------------
*emo-ishly: (scene one) "ishly" with another added to it equates to "shilly" or "silly" with a mixed in "shitty" with correlates to "emo" which really is "emotional"; all this leading to the deduction that "emo-ishly" is an adjective of silly emotional shit (sorry for vulgar language, but true)
*frau: (end scene, paragraph 3) german word for "woman"
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
:(
She called my house and she had this strange tone in her voice, before I know it the guy is on the phone and this guy, I've never talked to before, and then he asks if I want to go to prom, and I didn't know what to say... And now I have to find and dress... And a way to stop pouting... And a way to ask my parents... And I don't know how I got into this mess... I am sad now... Very sad... What to do?
Monday, May 7, 2007
Hello World, Today is Tuesday.
12:20 AM / Tuesday / May 8, 2007
Hello World; today is Tuesday, but I'm sure you knew that. World, this is what we need for the day:
World? Have I told you lately that I love you?
No?
Well, I do, as imperfect as you are, I do.
RESOLUTIONS!
1. To curb energy consumption
Hello World; today is Tuesday, but I'm sure you knew that. World, this is what we need for the day:
World? Have I told you lately that I love you?
No?
Well, I do, as imperfect as you are, I do.
RESOLUTIONS!
1. To curb energy consumption
(a) The airconditioner in my room can only be switched on from 10:30 PM (earliest) until my awakening in the morning which is normally around 5:30 AM.
(b) The airconditioner in our living room must be switched off by the last remaining night-walker* once everyone else is asleep.
(c) The power switch for all outlets must be shut off when plugged devices are not in use; this includes the kitchen outlet that connects to the refridgerator, my bedroom outlet that connects to my television, lamp, etc.
(d) When the television is not in use, turn it off!
(b) The airconditioner in our living room must be switched off by the last remaining night-walker* once everyone else is asleep.
(c) The power switch for all outlets must be shut off when plugged devices are not in use; this includes the kitchen outlet that connects to the refridgerator, my bedroom outlet that connects to my television, lamp, etc.
(d) When the television is not in use, turn it off!
2. To curb or add personal habits
(a) I will only permit myself to watch non-academic television programs for two days out of every school week, at a max time of 1 hour, or 3o mins each day for 4 days, or 15 each day for 6 days plus 1 hour on 1 day. The decline in hours will be determined at a later time.
(b) For every hour spent watching non-academic television, two hours must be spent on non-academic (not assigned) reading.
(c) No television could be watched without the completion of the day's assignments.
(d) At the close of the day, all activities (+ the times of commencement for each) must be recorded as a means for time management and organization, as well as proficiency in work.
(b) For every hour spent watching non-academic television, two hours must be spent on non-academic (not assigned) reading.
(c) No television could be watched without the completion of the day's assignments.
(d) At the close of the day, all activities (+ the times of commencement for each) must be recorded as a means for time management and organization, as well as proficiency in work.
3. Goals To Achieve or To Set On The Machine's Belt Before the Close of 2007
i. Learn how to speed-read.
ii. Read at least 5 novels off of the AP Literature Recommended Reading List.
iii. Get a job, increase funds in personal savings account, divide salary into mine and parents'.
iv. NMC classes.
v. (07-08) Reform Close-Up Foundation.
vi. (07-08) AP World History, AP Physics, AP Art (possibility), AP Calculus (self-study Pre-Calc), AP US History.
vii. Widen vocabulary.
ii. Read at least 5 novels off of the AP Literature Recommended Reading List.
iii. Get a job, increase funds in personal savings account, divide salary into mine and parents'.
iv. NMC classes.
v. (07-08) Reform Close-Up Foundation.
vi. (07-08) AP World History, AP Physics, AP Art (possibility), AP Calculus (self-study Pre-Calc), AP US History.
vii. Widen vocabulary.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
1-8 Luaus to Hot Falsetto-Voiced Male Singers
1. Thursday Luau/Pep Rally
2. But I've never really talked to you, Prom Suitor...
3. Attorney General's Cup
4. NFL/ITS & $50,0000 from First Hawaiian Bank
5. Volleyball Championships
6. Post-AP Exam Celebration
7. AP Lit Creative Writing Assignment
8. Falsetto-Voiced Male Singers = Hot?
--------------------------------------
1. Thursday Luau/Pep Rally: On Thursday of last week our school shortened classes to 35 minutes each. Kids came to school sheathed and adorned in island wear: lava-lavas, mwarmwars, leis, Scotts, mumus, the whole hubbub. It was cool. And, yes, I took part in the festivities, too. (But, hey, island wear is comfortable!) All the classes (Freshmen, Sophomores, etc.) and clubs set up booths in the hallways, selling food and drinks. I ended up spending the whole school day helping Gretchen with her AG speech, though. It was fun hanging with Gretch. I got free icecream at the Video Productions Club booth, and I'm not even in the Video Productions Club. I got a great seat in front of the stage area; I had to squash into a beach chair with Gretch, but we were as close to the stage as we could be. She and I got to watch all the performances, in one particular performance (the Sophomore Class performance) Gretchen remarked how one of their male dancers (their only dancer) was "fucking hot". Later when I was helping her memorize her speech at the Vid Productions booth, she called him over and told him "You know what? You're hot. You should be f**king every girl in the school. I would, but you're too young. And short." His reply, "Oh..thanks.." Shortly after he left, she turned to me and said, "Rachel, you should f**k Fredo." It's going to be really awkward running into Fredo from now on.... Gin...
2. But I've never really talked to you, Prom Suitor... : For the past two weeks my friend Paul has kept nudging me into going to prom, saying "You should go!" and "Cmon, it's prom". Many of my other friends have been doing the same. "But it's prom!" "Go, Rachel!" On Wednesday. Paul asked "So what if someone asked you?" I reply, "Haha... I doubt that." He goes, "Ok, so what if a reeaaly hot guy asked you?" I go, "Really hot guy? Cmon, Paul, don't be nonsensical. And don't you think it's a little late for me to get asked to the prom anyway?" He retorts, "No. Prom is two weeks from now. It's not too late." This altercation between Paul and I carries on throughout the week. Lo and behold, on Wednesday of last week, my friend Amber (who knows little to nothing about Paul, and vice versa) approaches me with that look on her face. She asks me with a cemented grin accross her face, "Rachel, if someone asks you to prom, what would you say?" Miscontruing who she was referring to, I asked in reply, "Who's asking you to prom?" She repeats the question. I start to realize what she's saying. I give the same question in reply. She repeats hers. I finally raise the courage to ask, "Is someone asking me to prom?" She nods. The conversations leads into a mess of other stuff. She tells me that this senior-friend of her's approached her and asked her if she talked to me often. She says that I'm her love, and that she does. He asked what would I say if he asked me to prom, are my parents strict? They are, but she'll ask me. He says that I'm "cute" and that he likes my "soft voice"??? Amber asked "Which Rachel?" to clarify. He says, "The small one, Roland's younger sister." Oy... Lo and behold, by Wednesday Paul's wanton jabberings on someone asking me to prom become truths and I'm angry, because this senior-friend of Amber's is someone I know of but don't know. I just know his name and that he's a senior and that people say that he's got this "really sweet ride". But I don't know him... I don't what to say... I'm kinda scared.. This enigma reminds me of my freshman year when one of Amber's friends asked me to prom. He was also a senior, and he went all out as to offer to pay for my dress and for whatever I want to get done at the parlor and my admission fee... But I didn't know him... Am I being ungrateful? Or wise? And what guy, in his right mind, would ask a girl he hardly knows to Prom, let alone, out? Oy... :(
3. Thanks to Friday having been a austerity holiday, I got to watch the Attorney General's Cup at the Guma Hustisia. Everyone did a wonderful job. Although many had their doubts about the placing of winners, I think it was a good showing for the government officials who were in attendance. Let's see you attempt to cut the Youth Congress budget now, huh?? Nah, I'm just kidding. The competition was thrilling to watch. I came a bit late, but was early enough to catch Gretchen's speech. I ended up standing in the waaay back, in front of the door leading out of the court, next to who could've been Henry's dad... I was far from weary standing, watching Gin's speech had me on the heels of my heels. Later on during the comp, Agnes and I got to sit in the 4th or 5th row. Here's a short critique on speeches I remember:
Gretchen had an overall balanced speech--fitted with a more-than-adequate amount of research that balanced her emotion and the fluidity of her speech. Her stance on the issue (anti-federalization) was detrimentental to her score; especially after Victoria Bellas' speech that was proved the undeniable logic in pro-federalization. There were moments when the audience member questioned Gretchen's sincerity in her words. Although the emotion was there, one would ask whether or not she really meant what she was saying.
Victoria Bellas' speech was one of the most convincing and easy to follow in regards to the issue. The way she organized it clashed with how the AG speech presented it's questions. Her speech was more of a "This is what would happen if this happened. It's illogical for that to happen because of so and so. Therefore, this is the only choice we've got"-kind of speech, as opposed to a "The issue asks about this. In reference to the issue you've got to consider this. In considering this, comes the prospect of this. The prospect of this would be detrimental because of this"-kind of speech. I also thought that her speech lacked emotion, and that she could've done better in phrasing what she was saying. It made an impact, but it could've made a crash and pow. Even so, I favored her logic above most of the other's. Her content and stance was dead-on.
Taylor's speech had the the coolest introductions! She had the audience thinking "Huh??" for that whole period where she was talking in foreign languages. She got her onlookers' attentions by forcing them to decipher what she was saying, or rather "What the heck she's doing up there?" Haha, I loved it. Her's stood out a lot. I think that it was cool how she quoted Lino Olopai. I think that got the local's in the audience to hunch up a bit, I saw it in some of the judge's faces. She had the "awww..." speech.
Henry's speech seemed a little unprepared. He did make a strong impression on the audience, though, as he went overtime and still kept going. Perhaps, he was thinking "You know what? F this, I'll just keep going." He had a balance of emotion and research, as well as logic, to boot. If his speech was shortened and didn't go overtime, then I think he would've placed higher than sixth. I speculate over whether or not he impromptued some parts of his speech, perhaps his ending. Even so, it was a forceful speech.
Andrew Kakuse's speech was very organized and had a profusion of facts, showing that he did do his research. In my perspective, I think he lacked a lot of emotion.
Cyd's speech had emotion on high gear. It reminded me of the quote by T. Harv Eker: "When faced with emotion and reason, the human mind will almost always choose emotion". I liked Cyd's speech. It made the biggest impact on the audience. I like his presentation, and could see his sincerity in most parts of his speech. I could see that it was heartfelt. I think that he took a lot of caution in choosing his words, and that he found some words to be questionable, like his ending where he says "Thank you......and farewell." It sounded awkward. Although he made the biggest impact with the audience via emotion, he should've included more facts so as to validate that he did adequate research. But I have my doubts on this critique. Yes, his speech seemed like it was more of a performance than it was a speech, and it didn't really meet the criteria of the issue, but the AG Cup is, after all, a speech-giving competition... He "gave" a good speech. Perhaps he didn't "write" the best one; but he "gave" the best one.
4. After the AG Cup, I spent a couple minutes chatting with Agnes. My mom came to pick me up, I asked if she could take me to MHS so that I could get my forms handed in to Mr. Easton for NFL and Thespian before 1 PM (deadline). It turned out that I still had to fill out the College Audition form for Thespian, which had to be accessed through my student account on the thespian festival website, downloaded, filled out digitally, and printed. What a mess.. I rushed to see if the school library was open, being that a lot of the Video Productions students were there filming projects. The Vid Prod class was open (2nd floor of the school library), but the library was closed. "Arrgh", I thought. Easton said that he'd be there till 5:30 most likely. Mom and I drove over to Joeten Kiyu Library. Closed. She drove me over to the computer/internet cafe near Joeten Susupe, Millenium. It was around 3 PM when she dropped me off at Millenium. It took 2 hours for me and the Millenium guy to get the PDF for the form to open, only because I secretly downloaded another version of Adobe Acrobat when he went behind his desk. Haha. Sorry. But, I was desperate! Once we got the PDF to work, I rushed to fill out the application; all the while thinking whether or not Thespian was worth the trouble, do I really want to do this, do I really want to drop $500 bucks off of my savings account for the tuition, do I really want to audition for colleges so as to get onto their Early Enrollment list shunning off other colleges I wish to apply to in my senior year; do I have any other choice besides the one where my fundraising costs for JSA go up another $2000 because I decided not to go from NFL to ITS to JSA and instead NFL to Saipan to JSA? 5:30 PM hits. I have no time to wait for my mom to drive over here. I end up printing the form, paying for my hours, and storming out of the place. I end up rushing to school in my skirt, button-down blouse, and heels. Heels + Gravel = Ouch. Heels + Soil = Watchitdontfall! I get to school, turn in my forms, then Easton says that I have to get my counselor to sign it. My counselor is off-island! Even so, I rush (again) to the main office to see if Mrs. Borja, our principal, was in or maybe one of the other counselor's. I open the Main Office door and I find this collosal check staring me int the face! On it I see "$50,0000" to "Marianas High School" from "First Hawaiian Bank". WHOAH!!! Mrs. Borja, Ms. Barcinas and I chat over this unbelievable phenomenon for a few minutes. Ms. Barcinas says she could fill out my form, "be back in 30 minutes". I step out and realize that the zipper of my skirt was 60% unzipped and that the back of my skirt was on my left hip. Haha! What a day?! I walk underneath the steps near the edge of the building and readjust. I get to Easton's, catch my breath, study some AP Bio (I brought my books to AG with me), and head back to the Main Office. On the way there, I run into Ann who was to meet with Mr. Cabrera to discuss prom committee matters. We have chat on the way there. In it, she tells me of how I should really really go to prom. I pick up my form, and say thanks and au revoir. I'm in silent shock to find out that I'm ranking 10th in the Junior Class after having been absent 5 weeks in the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd quarters (my absences were interspersed). I keep this to myself so as to avoid getting whipped later in the quarter by myself. I drop off my form at Easton's, Ann with me all the while.
5. After getting all that done, Ann asks if I want to accompany her to the Volleyball championships? Why not? So Ann and I peruse into the MHS Gym, me still in my formal wear. Haha, how fitting. lol. The game started at 4:30 but we made the Kagman/GCA game. Ann and I decide to grab something to eat at Joeten. On the way out we meet Jeannie, who tags along with us. We hop in Ann's car and turn the radio up and roll the windows down. Talk about catharsis. We drop Jeannie home and head back to the gym. We miss the last half of the Kagman/Mount Carmel game. But! We make it for the MHS/GCA game... 5 sets. Game point is 25. Emily, Arwin, Daisy, Jenen, Stacey, and Mindy show up. The gym is packed. Ann and Emily scream there throats irreparable for the 1st two sets and I finally join them in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th. (And keep in mind that this was the 1st time ever for me to "Wooo!" "MHS! MHS! MHS!" at decibels higher than my normal volume. Haha! NOW talk about CATHARSIS! lol... And guess what?!?!? MHS won!!!!! Whoohooohoot! Eee! Eee! Eee! At the game, I saw Bo and Christina, I run over in between the 3rd and 4th set and get to give hugs. I bring up the idea of a Post-AP Exam Celebration and Bo is all for it.
6. Post AP Exam Celebration: Who's up for it? I'm thinking movies...or bowling...or something! Just no studying!!!
7. It's 3:18 AM. I haven't slept a wink. Last night I came up with a quick, easy, and creative way to complete my AP Lit class creative writing assignments. Dr. Algaier gave us a bunch of vocabulary words that we have to use in some sort of "creative writing". All the words are separated into chapters of ten. There are aroung 170 words. I think. I figure(d) that a "way" to breeze through this assignment would be to use the vocabs in MSN conversations. I had 6 conversations on MSN last night, each with 6 different people. In these 6 conversations, I used 152 vocabulary words. Oh, yeah.... :D I also did two other CW's: one was a short prose on "Thoughts", another on a family member, and 3 other nonsensical ramblings.
8. Robin Thicke, Justin Timberlake, Pharrell... Why are they so hot? They sing in high-pitched falsetto tones irregular for manly men. So why are they so hot? I don't know... But they just are. :)
Here's a sample:
2. But I've never really talked to you, Prom Suitor...
3. Attorney General's Cup
4. NFL/ITS & $50,0000 from First Hawaiian Bank
5. Volleyball Championships
6. Post-AP Exam Celebration
7. AP Lit Creative Writing Assignment
8. Falsetto-Voiced Male Singers = Hot?
--------------------------------------
1. Thursday Luau/Pep Rally: On Thursday of last week our school shortened classes to 35 minutes each. Kids came to school sheathed and adorned in island wear: lava-lavas, mwarmwars, leis, Scotts, mumus, the whole hubbub. It was cool. And, yes, I took part in the festivities, too. (But, hey, island wear is comfortable!) All the classes (Freshmen, Sophomores, etc.) and clubs set up booths in the hallways, selling food and drinks. I ended up spending the whole school day helping Gretchen with her AG speech, though. It was fun hanging with Gretch. I got free icecream at the Video Productions Club booth, and I'm not even in the Video Productions Club. I got a great seat in front of the stage area; I had to squash into a beach chair with Gretch, but we were as close to the stage as we could be. She and I got to watch all the performances, in one particular performance (the Sophomore Class performance) Gretchen remarked how one of their male dancers (their only dancer) was "fucking hot". Later when I was helping her memorize her speech at the Vid Productions booth, she called him over and told him "You know what? You're hot. You should be f**king every girl in the school. I would, but you're too young. And short." His reply, "Oh..thanks.." Shortly after he left, she turned to me and said, "Rachel, you should f**k Fredo." It's going to be really awkward running into Fredo from now on.... Gin...
2. But I've never really talked to you, Prom Suitor... : For the past two weeks my friend Paul has kept nudging me into going to prom, saying "You should go!" and "Cmon, it's prom". Many of my other friends have been doing the same. "But it's prom!" "Go, Rachel!" On Wednesday. Paul asked "So what if someone asked you?" I reply, "Haha... I doubt that." He goes, "Ok, so what if a reeaaly hot guy asked you?" I go, "Really hot guy? Cmon, Paul, don't be nonsensical. And don't you think it's a little late for me to get asked to the prom anyway?" He retorts, "No. Prom is two weeks from now. It's not too late." This altercation between Paul and I carries on throughout the week. Lo and behold, on Wednesday of last week, my friend Amber (who knows little to nothing about Paul, and vice versa) approaches me with that look on her face. She asks me with a cemented grin accross her face, "Rachel, if someone asks you to prom, what would you say?" Miscontruing who she was referring to, I asked in reply, "Who's asking you to prom?" She repeats the question. I start to realize what she's saying. I give the same question in reply. She repeats hers. I finally raise the courage to ask, "Is someone asking me to prom?" She nods. The conversations leads into a mess of other stuff. She tells me that this senior-friend of her's approached her and asked her if she talked to me often. She says that I'm her love, and that she does. He asked what would I say if he asked me to prom, are my parents strict? They are, but she'll ask me. He says that I'm "cute" and that he likes my "soft voice"??? Amber asked "Which Rachel?" to clarify. He says, "The small one, Roland's younger sister." Oy... Lo and behold, by Wednesday Paul's wanton jabberings on someone asking me to prom become truths and I'm angry, because this senior-friend of Amber's is someone I know of but don't know. I just know his name and that he's a senior and that people say that he's got this "really sweet ride". But I don't know him... I don't what to say... I'm kinda scared.. This enigma reminds me of my freshman year when one of Amber's friends asked me to prom. He was also a senior, and he went all out as to offer to pay for my dress and for whatever I want to get done at the parlor and my admission fee... But I didn't know him... Am I being ungrateful? Or wise? And what guy, in his right mind, would ask a girl he hardly knows to Prom, let alone, out? Oy... :(
3. Thanks to Friday having been a austerity holiday, I got to watch the Attorney General's Cup at the Guma Hustisia. Everyone did a wonderful job. Although many had their doubts about the placing of winners, I think it was a good showing for the government officials who were in attendance. Let's see you attempt to cut the Youth Congress budget now, huh?? Nah, I'm just kidding. The competition was thrilling to watch. I came a bit late, but was early enough to catch Gretchen's speech. I ended up standing in the waaay back, in front of the door leading out of the court, next to who could've been Henry's dad... I was far from weary standing, watching Gin's speech had me on the heels of my heels. Later on during the comp, Agnes and I got to sit in the 4th or 5th row. Here's a short critique on speeches I remember:
Gretchen had an overall balanced speech--fitted with a more-than-adequate amount of research that balanced her emotion and the fluidity of her speech. Her stance on the issue (anti-federalization) was detrimentental to her score; especially after Victoria Bellas' speech that was proved the undeniable logic in pro-federalization. There were moments when the audience member questioned Gretchen's sincerity in her words. Although the emotion was there, one would ask whether or not she really meant what she was saying.
Victoria Bellas' speech was one of the most convincing and easy to follow in regards to the issue. The way she organized it clashed with how the AG speech presented it's questions. Her speech was more of a "This is what would happen if this happened. It's illogical for that to happen because of so and so. Therefore, this is the only choice we've got"-kind of speech, as opposed to a "The issue asks about this. In reference to the issue you've got to consider this. In considering this, comes the prospect of this. The prospect of this would be detrimental because of this"-kind of speech. I also thought that her speech lacked emotion, and that she could've done better in phrasing what she was saying. It made an impact, but it could've made a crash and pow. Even so, I favored her logic above most of the other's. Her content and stance was dead-on.
Taylor's speech had the the coolest introductions! She had the audience thinking "Huh??" for that whole period where she was talking in foreign languages. She got her onlookers' attentions by forcing them to decipher what she was saying, or rather "What the heck she's doing up there?" Haha, I loved it. Her's stood out a lot. I think that it was cool how she quoted Lino Olopai. I think that got the local's in the audience to hunch up a bit, I saw it in some of the judge's faces. She had the "awww..." speech.
Henry's speech seemed a little unprepared. He did make a strong impression on the audience, though, as he went overtime and still kept going. Perhaps, he was thinking "You know what? F this, I'll just keep going." He had a balance of emotion and research, as well as logic, to boot. If his speech was shortened and didn't go overtime, then I think he would've placed higher than sixth. I speculate over whether or not he impromptued some parts of his speech, perhaps his ending. Even so, it was a forceful speech.
Andrew Kakuse's speech was very organized and had a profusion of facts, showing that he did do his research. In my perspective, I think he lacked a lot of emotion.
Cyd's speech had emotion on high gear. It reminded me of the quote by T. Harv Eker: "When faced with emotion and reason, the human mind will almost always choose emotion". I liked Cyd's speech. It made the biggest impact on the audience. I like his presentation, and could see his sincerity in most parts of his speech. I could see that it was heartfelt. I think that he took a lot of caution in choosing his words, and that he found some words to be questionable, like his ending where he says "Thank you......and farewell." It sounded awkward. Although he made the biggest impact with the audience via emotion, he should've included more facts so as to validate that he did adequate research. But I have my doubts on this critique. Yes, his speech seemed like it was more of a performance than it was a speech, and it didn't really meet the criteria of the issue, but the AG Cup is, after all, a speech-giving competition... He "gave" a good speech. Perhaps he didn't "write" the best one; but he "gave" the best one.
4. After the AG Cup, I spent a couple minutes chatting with Agnes. My mom came to pick me up, I asked if she could take me to MHS so that I could get my forms handed in to Mr. Easton for NFL and Thespian before 1 PM (deadline). It turned out that I still had to fill out the College Audition form for Thespian, which had to be accessed through my student account on the thespian festival website, downloaded, filled out digitally, and printed. What a mess.. I rushed to see if the school library was open, being that a lot of the Video Productions students were there filming projects. The Vid Prod class was open (2nd floor of the school library), but the library was closed. "Arrgh", I thought. Easton said that he'd be there till 5:30 most likely. Mom and I drove over to Joeten Kiyu Library. Closed. She drove me over to the computer/internet cafe near Joeten Susupe, Millenium. It was around 3 PM when she dropped me off at Millenium. It took 2 hours for me and the Millenium guy to get the PDF for the form to open, only because I secretly downloaded another version of Adobe Acrobat when he went behind his desk. Haha. Sorry. But, I was desperate! Once we got the PDF to work, I rushed to fill out the application; all the while thinking whether or not Thespian was worth the trouble, do I really want to do this, do I really want to drop $500 bucks off of my savings account for the tuition, do I really want to audition for colleges so as to get onto their Early Enrollment list shunning off other colleges I wish to apply to in my senior year; do I have any other choice besides the one where my fundraising costs for JSA go up another $2000 because I decided not to go from NFL to ITS to JSA and instead NFL to Saipan to JSA? 5:30 PM hits. I have no time to wait for my mom to drive over here. I end up printing the form, paying for my hours, and storming out of the place. I end up rushing to school in my skirt, button-down blouse, and heels. Heels + Gravel = Ouch. Heels + Soil = Watchitdontfall! I get to school, turn in my forms, then Easton says that I have to get my counselor to sign it. My counselor is off-island! Even so, I rush (again) to the main office to see if Mrs. Borja, our principal, was in or maybe one of the other counselor's. I open the Main Office door and I find this collosal check staring me int the face! On it I see "$50,0000" to "Marianas High School" from "First Hawaiian Bank". WHOAH!!! Mrs. Borja, Ms. Barcinas and I chat over this unbelievable phenomenon for a few minutes. Ms. Barcinas says she could fill out my form, "be back in 30 minutes". I step out and realize that the zipper of my skirt was 60% unzipped and that the back of my skirt was on my left hip. Haha! What a day?! I walk underneath the steps near the edge of the building and readjust. I get to Easton's, catch my breath, study some AP Bio (I brought my books to AG with me), and head back to the Main Office. On the way there, I run into Ann who was to meet with Mr. Cabrera to discuss prom committee matters. We have chat on the way there. In it, she tells me of how I should really really go to prom. I pick up my form, and say thanks and au revoir. I'm in silent shock to find out that I'm ranking 10th in the Junior Class after having been absent 5 weeks in the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd quarters (my absences were interspersed). I keep this to myself so as to avoid getting whipped later in the quarter by myself. I drop off my form at Easton's, Ann with me all the while.
5. After getting all that done, Ann asks if I want to accompany her to the Volleyball championships? Why not? So Ann and I peruse into the MHS Gym, me still in my formal wear. Haha, how fitting. lol. The game started at 4:30 but we made the Kagman/GCA game. Ann and I decide to grab something to eat at Joeten. On the way out we meet Jeannie, who tags along with us. We hop in Ann's car and turn the radio up and roll the windows down. Talk about catharsis. We drop Jeannie home and head back to the gym. We miss the last half of the Kagman/Mount Carmel game. But! We make it for the MHS/GCA game... 5 sets. Game point is 25. Emily, Arwin, Daisy, Jenen, Stacey, and Mindy show up. The gym is packed. Ann and Emily scream there throats irreparable for the 1st two sets and I finally join them in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th. (And keep in mind that this was the 1st time ever for me to "Wooo!" "MHS! MHS! MHS!" at decibels higher than my normal volume. Haha! NOW talk about CATHARSIS! lol... And guess what?!?!? MHS won!!!!! Whoohooohoot! Eee! Eee! Eee! At the game, I saw Bo and Christina, I run over in between the 3rd and 4th set and get to give hugs. I bring up the idea of a Post-AP Exam Celebration and Bo is all for it.
6. Post AP Exam Celebration: Who's up for it? I'm thinking movies...or bowling...or something! Just no studying!!!
7. It's 3:18 AM. I haven't slept a wink. Last night I came up with a quick, easy, and creative way to complete my AP Lit class creative writing assignments. Dr. Algaier gave us a bunch of vocabulary words that we have to use in some sort of "creative writing". All the words are separated into chapters of ten. There are aroung 170 words. I think. I figure(d) that a "way" to breeze through this assignment would be to use the vocabs in MSN conversations. I had 6 conversations on MSN last night, each with 6 different people. In these 6 conversations, I used 152 vocabulary words. Oh, yeah.... :D I also did two other CW's: one was a short prose on "Thoughts", another on a family member, and 3 other nonsensical ramblings.
8. Robin Thicke, Justin Timberlake, Pharrell... Why are they so hot? They sing in high-pitched falsetto tones irregular for manly men. So why are they so hot? I don't know... But they just are. :)
Here's a sample:
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
TICKS
AP Literature "Sestina" poems. I actually wrote mine..in ADVANCE. ??
On days like this, the sun burrows itself into my temples like a tick.
It grinds into my brain, rumbling the grounds of my mind with its heat.
Such is the island—hot and humid—each day our clothes are marinated in sweat.
Tolerance sways like a coconut tree in the breeze, but little by little
Branches twist, turn, and fall. Little by little, we fall apart like buildings—
Aged and dilapidated—each of us questioning the length of our stay here.
These are the Northern Mariana Islands. How long have they been here?
Fourteen rocks protruding out of the ocean's surface, like ticks
Beside names on a list of innumerable lands. Our people building
the islands' history, as though it makes us any different. What heats
up our reputation besides the negative? How little
have we made ourselves in old greed gone exploitive? We sweat
Unnecessarily. Mistakes haunt us. We've exploited the sweat
and blood of others to build our lands. Here
is the karma called Today that will take the little
we have left, little made by us, mistakes made by many. We are ticks
sucking off each others backs. Our anger alone raises the heat
by 10 degrees in the summer time. Illogical anger building
Itself upon our shoulders, caused by our old hands. These buildings
that bulge up out off our dry soil were made from the sweaty
fingers and palms of foreigners who have come here for the salvation of work. The heat
pays no mercy to their sacrifices and neither do we. What have we here
among the people—we are divided into classes, each one ticked
off by another, one working to feed the other. How little
Have we grown, we have shrunk in our manipulation, in our little
luxuries that provide small comforts to the fortunate, but none to the builders,
none to those who toil and break their backs under the sun, whose skin are ridden with ticks
that parasite off their labor. Such are the islands we live in. It's as though the sweat
that dampens our clothing will cook us if we step out beneath the sun. Here
we falter; we are weakened by perceptions of civilization. We become afraid of the heat
That our ancestors once reveled in. We were born out of this heat,
but today we fear it. Like the sun, the truth is a parasite. Little
see it excavating our soils, digging here and there, there and here;
shoveling away our sense and our sight. What builds our buildings
breaks our ethics. We've cheated and must be punished. Sweat
out of our builders, taunted by the sun, will soon drown us, in a wash, like ticks.
We launch our proboscis into the damp, sun-cooked skin of the ticked, the sweaty;
sucking the little blood they have left, the few ounces inversely proportional to the buildings’
weight in concrete, instructing the construction of shade for here, now, we hide from the heat.
On days like this, the sun burrows itself into my temples like a tick.
It grinds into my brain, rumbling the grounds of my mind with its heat.
Such is the island—hot and humid—each day our clothes are marinated in sweat.
Tolerance sways like a coconut tree in the breeze, but little by little
Branches twist, turn, and fall. Little by little, we fall apart like buildings—
Aged and dilapidated—each of us questioning the length of our stay here.
These are the Northern Mariana Islands. How long have they been here?
Fourteen rocks protruding out of the ocean's surface, like ticks
Beside names on a list of innumerable lands. Our people building
the islands' history, as though it makes us any different. What heats
up our reputation besides the negative? How little
have we made ourselves in old greed gone exploitive? We sweat
Unnecessarily. Mistakes haunt us. We've exploited the sweat
and blood of others to build our lands. Here
is the karma called Today that will take the little
we have left, little made by us, mistakes made by many. We are ticks
sucking off each others backs. Our anger alone raises the heat
by 10 degrees in the summer time. Illogical anger building
Itself upon our shoulders, caused by our old hands. These buildings
that bulge up out off our dry soil were made from the sweaty
fingers and palms of foreigners who have come here for the salvation of work. The heat
pays no mercy to their sacrifices and neither do we. What have we here
among the people—we are divided into classes, each one ticked
off by another, one working to feed the other. How little
Have we grown, we have shrunk in our manipulation, in our little
luxuries that provide small comforts to the fortunate, but none to the builders,
none to those who toil and break their backs under the sun, whose skin are ridden with ticks
that parasite off their labor. Such are the islands we live in. It's as though the sweat
that dampens our clothing will cook us if we step out beneath the sun. Here
we falter; we are weakened by perceptions of civilization. We become afraid of the heat
That our ancestors once reveled in. We were born out of this heat,
but today we fear it. Like the sun, the truth is a parasite. Little
see it excavating our soils, digging here and there, there and here;
shoveling away our sense and our sight. What builds our buildings
breaks our ethics. We've cheated and must be punished. Sweat
out of our builders, taunted by the sun, will soon drown us, in a wash, like ticks.
We launch our proboscis into the damp, sun-cooked skin of the ticked, the sweaty;
sucking the little blood they have left, the few ounces inversely proportional to the buildings’
weight in concrete, instructing the construction of shade for here, now, we hide from the heat.
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